Woke up feeling pathetic and fed up with myself for feeling pathetic. Alex phoned and said that he would have thought his parents 30+ years marriage had been a sham had I not been feeling a bit pathetic at this time!

Yesterday I also broke my favourite Klimt mug – which was a shame as it was bigger than an average mug and a lovely shape.

So I went for a run in the company of Lou Reed, Bob Marley and Portuguese woman singing Fado which was good. When I got back the postman was delivering the third book. It’s called ‘Scottish Highlanders, Indian Peoples – Thirty generations of a Montana Family.’ Written by James Hunter who also wrote the other book. This made sense.

I had been reading a lot of books about American Indians recently, sharing ‘Captured by the Indians: 15 Firsthand Accounts, 1750–1870’ with Paul on our holiday this year.

I was reading ‘Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee’ when Chris died.

A few days before he died I had bought a book on Ebay ‘My Heart Soars’ by Chief Dan George. It arrived on the Monday but I was IPWD so the postman left a note. Rob picked it up on the Wednesday. It gave me a lot of comfort in those early days and I quoted from it in the Order of Service and here on the blogg.

At this time I also had some emails from Rene in Montana and in one she wrote;
“We are building a new sweat lodge this Saturday. I will take in offerings (ribbon, tobacco and cloth) and ask for prayers for you and your family and for your husband on that side.”

I thought this was amazing, to have a friend who is American Indian, and for her to do this for us. Now how lucky am I?

I think that’s why I am feeling pathetic because on the scale of things I am so fortunate and I do need to recognise this. I think of other people I know who have had a sudden death, their son, the father of their small children, death in an accident and I know that the timing and manner of Chris’s death was OK.

I think I will go shopping and then start reading these books