Next weekend I’m going on a retreat, a 4 days Enlightenment Intensive programme. I heard about it a couple of months ago and felt a very strong desire to go to it. Now it’s got closer I’m beginning to get – I wouldn’t say worried – but certainly a bit nervous.
Have been feeling anxious for a few weeks now – not quite certain why – work – family - strong feeling of moving on. I’m also sorting and get rid of stuff – last weekend I had a moment when I realised that I could - and probably will live in another house! This is a big thought for me as I have lived in this one for over 30 years – it is the house of my life, the house of my life with Chris and my family. The realisation that I could live somewhere else was really powerful. At the moment I don’t want to, and can see no reason to move, but the fact that I can was quite exhilarating! Does add to this sense of uncertainty that I’m feeling at the moment. But it’s not a bad feeling. So next Thursday I go the Enlightenment Intensive in a beautiful place in Wales. I am anxious but also excited.
Last week I was in Barcelona, the conference was badly organised and not particularly useful, however I got a huge amount out of being there, and in particular spending a lot of time talking to Harinder. We have known each other, professionally, and as friends for many, many years and sometimes you can only understand things by talking to someone who understands where you are coming from. So we talked and talked and it was great! Barcelona was fun and I did speak and understand more Spanish, though it also made me aware of what a long way I’ve got to go. So time now for my Spanish homework. I think writing my blog is my homework for next weekend!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sunny wintery showers....
...are not a bad thing - if you wrap up for the cold - and stay indoors when it's raining - and if you are outdoors when the sun shines through - it's magic!
I feel my life is a bit like sunny wintery showers at the moment, with lots of things happening. Some I've prepared for, like an anticipated busy time at work last week and some unexpected like my Dad going to hospital on Tuesday, hopefully to come out next week.
Between these ‘cold and rain’ times were real moments of sunshine, like being at the hospital with my parents yesterday and us sharing a joke - and really feeling the powerful love between us. But as these are winter showers I also know, I must treasure that love, as physically we may not share too many more moments like that.
Special moments this week, like being close to Rob when he was down and knowing that he would not stay there long – and he didn’t, thinking about that makes my heart sing.
I had a lot of visitors at work this week, and another sunshine point was a second hand complement, through which I was amazed to hear how someone felt I had impacted really positively on her work.
So winter showers are OK really and I suppose the secret is as far as possible to prepare for them and to really savour those moments of sunshine.
I feel my life is a bit like sunny wintery showers at the moment, with lots of things happening. Some I've prepared for, like an anticipated busy time at work last week and some unexpected like my Dad going to hospital on Tuesday, hopefully to come out next week.
Between these ‘cold and rain’ times were real moments of sunshine, like being at the hospital with my parents yesterday and us sharing a joke - and really feeling the powerful love between us. But as these are winter showers I also know, I must treasure that love, as physically we may not share too many more moments like that.
Special moments this week, like being close to Rob when he was down and knowing that he would not stay there long – and he didn’t, thinking about that makes my heart sing.
I had a lot of visitors at work this week, and another sunshine point was a second hand complement, through which I was amazed to hear how someone felt I had impacted really positively on her work.
So winter showers are OK really and I suppose the secret is as far as possible to prepare for them and to really savour those moments of sunshine.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Busy week and the last ever parents evening ever................
This week flew by – work plus - dancing, two Spanish sessions with Hector, Jimmy Meet the Teach Night, a night in with a bottle wine with Deidre and a night out with Gilly and tapas. Busy, busy, busy which is good.
Fiona’s family is coping with a lot at the moment with Ian having an operation to remove a giant abscess on Monday and Becki having a baby next June. My Mum is very excited at the prospect of becoming a Great Grand-Mother again and my little sister will be a Granny!
This week I went to my last ever school parent’s evening - I have always deeply hated parent's evening - Chris used to go – and this one lived up to the others – and I found it a deeply unsettling occasion.
Jimmy is a student of extremes and he too was visibly upset by the process - what is about teachers! I felt extremes - a range of emotions from deep pride to frustration with Jimmy and extreme empathy and anger with the teachers we met. The end is in sight in that he is applying to university in Liverpool but obviously has to pass his exams this year. He is working, but passively – I think Jimmy is actually very shy. He can be the life and soul of the party with his friends but completely unable to ask a question of a teacher or a stranger – just like his Mother!!
I have consulted both Deirdre and Gilly and have decided to have a party on New Year’s Eve. For years Chris and I always had big parties and then there was a period of dinner party type New Years, some more memorable than others! Then for the last few years as the boys did their own thing, Chris and I went away for New Year. His last one we spent with Alan and Moira in Mallorca and was truly special.
My first New Year on my own I just had the boys round and we played cards. Last year I went to the Kimberley Club with Paul, Sue and Kipper and that was lovely. But this year I am going to invite anyone who wants to come to my house to celebrate the New Year.
Plenty of things to do first though. Boys coming round tonight so think I will make their favourite tea, tomato soup with croutons and I definitely need to get that back room cleared!
Fiona’s family is coping with a lot at the moment with Ian having an operation to remove a giant abscess on Monday and Becki having a baby next June. My Mum is very excited at the prospect of becoming a Great Grand-Mother again and my little sister will be a Granny!
This week I went to my last ever school parent’s evening - I have always deeply hated parent's evening - Chris used to go – and this one lived up to the others – and I found it a deeply unsettling occasion.
Jimmy is a student of extremes and he too was visibly upset by the process - what is about teachers! I felt extremes - a range of emotions from deep pride to frustration with Jimmy and extreme empathy and anger with the teachers we met. The end is in sight in that he is applying to university in Liverpool but obviously has to pass his exams this year. He is working, but passively – I think Jimmy is actually very shy. He can be the life and soul of the party with his friends but completely unable to ask a question of a teacher or a stranger – just like his Mother!!
I have consulted both Deirdre and Gilly and have decided to have a party on New Year’s Eve. For years Chris and I always had big parties and then there was a period of dinner party type New Years, some more memorable than others! Then for the last few years as the boys did their own thing, Chris and I went away for New Year. His last one we spent with Alan and Moira in Mallorca and was truly special.
My first New Year on my own I just had the boys round and we played cards. Last year I went to the Kimberley Club with Paul, Sue and Kipper and that was lovely. But this year I am going to invite anyone who wants to come to my house to celebrate the New Year.
Plenty of things to do first though. Boys coming round tonight so think I will make their favourite tea, tomato soup with croutons and I definitely need to get that back room cleared!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
weeks flying by...................
Seem to be very busy at the moment and having that slightly panicky feeling that you get when you don't feel quite on top of things. Another busy weekend - Alex was home which was lovely and Rob and I went to Birmingham last night for Zahid's Walima. Going back to Birmingham for a meeting tomorrow and hoping I will get back in time for dancing. Feel I need to dance at the moment, gives me space to think by stopping thinking for a while!
Saturday, November 01, 2008
In my Liverpool home
It’s good to be away and it’s good to be home. Out last night with ‘the girls’ all of us over 50 now! - and it was special to be with them, news and worries, laughter, talking, good food and wine, THE combination. There were 6 of us out last night, all of us living and facing different lives and futures, but we talked honestly, openly and supportively as old friends do. I also met a couple of my new friends and invited them to dinner at mine some time soon. Old and new friends filling my life with love.
Old dog getting older, quite wobbly on his feet now, so I will take him for quite a short walk in the frosty park, followed by boys for breakfast after I’ve been shopping and then as I feel full of energy I think I will start to clear out the back room. It is so full of stuff. Feeling very strongly that I need to get rid of the clutter. My problem is that much of the stuff is old, for example some of the books and embroidery in the back room are well over a 100 years old, so I mustn’t throw them away but pass them onto someone who would appreciate them, my problem is I’m not quite sure how – but once the decision has been made – I will find the solution!
Old dog getting older, quite wobbly on his feet now, so I will take him for quite a short walk in the frosty park, followed by boys for breakfast after I’ve been shopping and then as I feel full of energy I think I will start to clear out the back room. It is so full of stuff. Feeling very strongly that I need to get rid of the clutter. My problem is that much of the stuff is old, for example some of the books and embroidery in the back room are well over a 100 years old, so I mustn’t throw them away but pass them onto someone who would appreciate them, my problem is I’m not quite sure how – but once the decision has been made – I will find the solution!
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