I am struggling with ‘It’s only three weeks’ and ‘ It’s now three weeks.’ For example the earlier postings of this blogg are now archived, yet it’s only three weeks ago tonight that we sat the long vigil by Chris’s bed in the Royal.

Memories which I want to remember and yet also to forget. I suppose archiving them is a good idea.

I am torn between wanting it to be over three weeks and away from that awful time and yet not feeling ready to move on. I think this week I need to take my time.

Today I also started to sort out money stuff.

Chris’s ‘Estate’ is our shared planning over thirty years together. Some off it ad hoc, some of it idiosyncratic and some of it very sensible but together making up our shared plans for the future - holidays, Jimmy at University, a shared retirement. I also paid the Undertakers bill today and that’s a pretty shit thing to do for your husband.

Today I’ve done well – second time at aqua aerobics, first time on my own at Asda – sorting out money – I’ve done well. I think I will just have to ring up Gilly and say “No pressure – just make me laugh!”