holding the space - buffffff....

Productive days - now gone..... leaving me knowing that  I have so much to process from them..... I have literally not stopped for 10 days - since the Thursday before last when I picked Rene up - til tonight when I dropped Steph off at the airport... wonderful, beautiful times, special, rich and so, so, so full .... hard work though - with all sorts of things happening to, with and around me...... and tonight I am finally letting myself be tired...... and I am ....  haven't been able to do so up to now because I couldn't!

I have been thinking about what I have done - and it sounds a bit weird - but I have been 'holding the space' ... not leading or coordinating but 'enabling' not quite the right word - but 'holding the space' for 50 people to come together - to see, hear and feel..... to reflect... to be open...... and to create...... we worked together to pull all this energy into something....  to glimpse a sense in the day to day - of how we can change the future .... 

Where I am now - is that I can see that what we did - we pulled our creative energy together - and we fused it into an 'arrow of intention'.... I love it - when we see - individually and collectively - when we see - we can shape the power of our shared co-creativity - we catch flashes of our ability to change the world through our recognition that we can!

Love it - need to process it - glowing with recognition that I am just so blessed and wonderfully deliciously tired - but am also not tired - actually feel really, really electrified.... buzzing..... joyous.... wow how happy am I - I AM xxxxxxxx

gearing myself up......

.... for a very, very busy week.... in fact it has already started as was in London yesterday with some kids, making a video and having a lot of fun, and Rene has been here since last Thursday.... birthday celebrations which were lovely - day in Chester with Margaret and Rene - visiting my Mum and Jenny - lovely days....

... and now the SiS Catalyst family are coming from around the world for 3/5 days.. wonderful and I must become very focused..... spent time this morning mediating on getting rid of any negative energies that had become attached to me - so feeling very peaceful  - computer putting this to the test by closing down on me all the time - think it may have a virus - technological negative energy!

But I know I need to be really focused and to do what I do - never certain what exactly this is - but know it when I am there....... it's like my whole being focuses - I come from a very, very high place - feels like I'm up above the world........ and then I focus.......  it's like all my attention swoops down on something really, really tiny but totally clear - like looking in a microscope and pulling it into focus - but from the stars!!! Then I am deliciously clear - at least in my mind - don't know if everyone always comes with me - but sometimes they do - and I can feel it and they can too - that's just so beautiful.......

So a busy bonkers week - of swooping from the stars and focusing - now to wake up Rene, pick up Steph from the airport... it's begun like all things with small things - the important things in life.

Quietness

Tonight is quiet - I'm in the flat - in silence - just having had my tea. This evening I was working with a group of kids that I am going to London with on Monday - we worked with Raul via Skype in Brazil - it worked but not sure how! Then food shopping - so it was late when I got in. I am writing this with a very strong feeling of the lull before the storm - as the next week or so will just be sooooooo busy - but a wonderful feeling of anticipation and excitement. I have also such a lot of things to do..... but that's good and I am so fortunate to be able to do what I do - whatever that may be!!!!

Rene is due tomorrow morning - just heard from her - on a plane in Seattle in a blizzard being de-iced before taking off for Amsterdam - technology takes my breath away..... Then SiS Catalyst family and friends will appear over the next few days - probably over 40 by this time next week - numbers vary as have had a flurry of emails today from people who didn't let us know they were coming - lots and lots of things to do... but also a beautiful feeling of a natural unfurling of what is meant to be... my life is truly delicious - not sure what I do - but I just do what 'feels' good and then go with the flow! Bonkers but beautiful!!!

Then tomorrow is my birthday - which is delightfully uneventful and unspecial - to be treasured for that - birthdays can be quite hard - I am however going out for dinner tomorrow night with a remarkably large number of wonderful people - wow I truly am extraordinarily blessed and very grateful for all the amazing people in my life xxxxx

making intentions.....

....it's the middle of the night and I have been awake for ages - don't feel unhappy but just don't seem to be able to sleep... have been thinking and setting my intentions... love it!!

Love the process - the pulling together of the whirling thoughts and ideas which swirl around all of us like a snowstorm of tiny diamonds - and then focusing in and shaping something tangible out of this..... identifying form out of the glittering fog - making it solid as a thought - an intention - then seeing clearly a path of action which leads from this..... but also knowing that the course of action many times means walking forward into the unknown - not having fear - just taking the first step. Feeling what to do rather than thinking or knowing what to do - following the road that my heart leads me to - using the happiness factor as my compass!

Sometimes it is a very quick process sometimes it takes a long time - looking back I think years!!

My intention tonight is to become a master of the process and to do it more consciously.... well now I have set my intention - I need to sleep - maybe to dream......

so excited..............

.......it's a new year and so many things are starting to happen - I am just so excited!!!!

Not always able to focus on everything though - do feel like my ability to focus is like a great big on/off switch - I'm either completely focused and give that 'thing' whatever it is - my complete attention - or have this kind of 'can't be bothered' sort of feeling.

I am thinking a lot about what makes me happy - and I suppose this is linked to the focusing thing - if it makes me happy I focus on it - give it my full attention - if it doesn't - I can't be bothered! Must make working with me a bit difficult! I hope not but I think I must be a bit unpredictable - but happy!!!

I heard  from someone the other day who said it was a good idea to start every day thinking about three things that will make you happy that day - and to ensure that you do them, then to increase the number of things!!!!

I am at the moment just joyously happy - having booked my trip to Brazil and Columbia - meeting and staying with wonderful friends AND I'm going to be IN the carnival parade in sao Paolo - how absolutely mind blowingly cool is that!!!!! I have no idea how I have ended up having such a magic  life - I suppose focusing on what makes me happy is a good start and I also feel so incredibly appreciative and grateful and very, very blessed - wow wow wow wonderful!!!!!!!!!

2012.......

....... has started - feels like I've just turned round and I'm in 3 days into the year already - weird!!!!

Had a beautiful New Year - very quiet, very personal with Fiona, Ian, Becki and the lively little Aidan but very, very lovely.... it is so good to be close to family - feel that I am increasingly enjoying just being close to friends/family - and I do feel that all the people that I connect with regularly with - are just that friends and/or family - both - neither one nor the other - just close to me - and how special is that!

Blogged about this feeling before - and it is a very strong and growing feeling - a lovely warmth of connectivity....

So 2012 has started - I'm home - got back late afternoon and am having one of my - 'strangely restless' evenings - I usually get them when I'm going away - maybe I'm getting this one cos I'm actually at home! Probably because am going back to work tomorrow and know I need to prioritise what I need to do - where I need to focus my energy.....

I think that has what's been really lovely over the last couple of weeks - I have not been consciously thinking of work - just being with and enjoying friends/family - focusing and enjoying the reality of being together - I don't think I've talked about work for 2 weeks - how wonderful is that? - but at the same time I know that I have been thinking about it - not consciously but deliciously deeply - just hope that when  I go into tomorrow - it all seems beautifully clear!!!!!