Well Kipper's gone

The Vet came round this afternoon and Jimmy, Rob and I sat with Kip whilst he was gently put to sleep. It all seems to have happened very quickly.

I remember thinking not long after Chris died that I just couldn't face Kipper going and although I am very upset at the moment I am also OK about it. It is strange how it has happened just when I am very clearly moving into the next stage of my life - me moving on and Jimmy leaving home - and it just seems right that Kipper should go at this time and join Chris.

We will get the ashes in a couple of weeks and then scatter them around the beech tree - then Chris will be for ever IPWD - In Park With Dog.

He was a good dog - and as Alex commented at the time of Chris's death - we had been a three dog family - Stan, Beryl and then Kip. I loved them all but Kipper was really a very special dog - my lovely Kipper and he loved me too - devotedly - and I will miss that - his lovely presence - comforting and also such a strong reminder of Chris and our life together.

So no more walks in the park every morning - I'll miss them - did all my best thinking in the park - enjoying the beauty, the trees, the sky and the birds. Very important to me - those mornings - my time - my peace.

However the strong feeling of change in my life, touched with chaos but also beauty gives me a clear and definite knowledge that this was Kip's time to go.

So I shall grieve tonight and then tomorrow go dancing at an all night party on the beach at Thurstaton - which will be a really good place to dance farewell to Kipper, remembering him running along that beach, his long legs and elegant silhouette enjoying every second of his life.

So good bye my lovely Kipper - it's right for you to go now as I unfurl my new wings and dance my way through my lucky life - thank you for sharing your life so willingly with us. xxx

Lovely old dog's last days...............

Took Kip to the Vets tonight and am now coming to terms with the fact that we are on Kipper's last days. The Vet was a lovely young woman and over the next week or so - I will arrange for her to come round to the house one afternoon and to put our lovely old Kipper to sleep.

Have talked to all my wonderful sons tonight and am moving towards a date - probably next week.

Lots of emotion involved with this - know we can't keep him - and am very unwilling to let him keep going beyond the point he lives in pain or as the vet described it - he collapses somewhere like the park and it all gets horrible and traumatic. So the best thing is - we get the Vet around one afternoon, probably next week, and she enables him to die in the safety and security of his home. Know it's the right thing to do but still feel very emotional about it.

Kipper has been a lovely dog and the fact that he was there with Chris in his last conscious minutes adds a depth of emotion to this. But I want him to go with dignity and without fear.

But I will miss my lovely old Kipper................................

There and back again............

How lovely it is to have been away and amazing..............

It was absolutely amazing...............

Not being very coherent here .....but it was just an amazing week!

It's Sunday morning and I'm home in my house - which is now nearly finished and green! Jimmy's birthday sounds a triumph orchestrated by Rob - and the dog is still his lovely old self - and I am me - different - and I suppose the same - but I do feel very different.

Last year I danced through the loss of Chris - and this year I danced in the new Tricia. I danced deeply and profoundly, made choices and accepted the chaos that I'm living through and also spoke quite a lot of Spanish!

I was also taken out for lunch twice by a very cute young man in style and felt fluttery and girly - and enjoyed the feeling!

So I'm back home - as it's Monday I will go dancing tonight - there were several of us from Liverpool dancing this year and their presence added to the richness of the week. It was just a lovely group of dancers, doing what we do - which is dance!!!!!

Going dancing for a week....

My heart is singing in expectation as tomorrow I am going to Spain to dance for a week.....

Feel a bit bad about leaving Jimmy with the decorators - both of them! - with his revision - and it is his birthday on Thursday - but Alex is home tonight for the weekend and Rob is going to cook him flaming steaks on his birthday - and he is 19 - and I really want to go dancing for a week.

Also work is very busy - for a change! - and it seems strange to be going on leave as I have been away so much - but most of that was work or a day linked to a weekend.

Anyway justifications and excuses over - I am just so happy to be going dancing for a week!!! Suitcase packed and heart singing!!

Catching my breath...

Finally feel able to catch my breath after the roller coaster of the last few weeks. Last weekend helped and I was only away one night last week in Belfast - but I do feel so much calmer this weekend. Might also be because I went dancing yesterday - a Saturday dancing - it felt like it was my birthday - a special treat - 6 hours of dancing with a an excellent teacher in the company of many of the Liverpool group plus others...... feel very good this morning - even if my feet are a bit tender - but they did have such a good dance!

Still quite early Sunday morning - I wake up so early these beautiful mornings - Alex is home - so I will take the incontinent dog for a walk in the park then make two of my wonderful sons breakfast before they grapple with Jimmy's Maths and Physics revision. Then I will go and buy Jimmy's birthday presents - he's moving out in September and wants cooking things - so I shall enjoy that. Then Rob is coming round for tea - a lovely day to look forward to. Big breath and my mantra - how lucky am I.....................

Lovely weekend

Been away with the walking sisters and it was wonderful. Stayed in a beautiful place and we just walked, ate, talked and laughed ..... how fabulous is that!

This was our picnic...


.. and this was the view whilst we ate!



... and this is how I felt yesterday at the top of the hill - with the whole of the lakes and Lancashire in front of us - afer a great walk!


I was so mad busy last week - coming home to a house in total disarray - rushing around like a mad thing clearing up before I left early Saturday - but it was so good.

House whirl continues as the second decorator is now working on the hall stairs and landing - Jimmy and I have just been to choose carpets and paint. I can see the end in sight!!!!!!!!

Dancing tonight - missed it last week as I was in Strasbourg - my life is so full - and I'm finding everyday and everything a joy - bluebells and trees with fresh leaves - beauty, chaos and change.......