Strangely restless...

It's Sunday evening and I have had a busy weekend - but also moments like now - when I don't have anything to do - so thought I'd write my blogg!

Am getting ready to go to Peru - very early Tuesday morning and as I'm dancing tomorrow night I am all packed - a day in advance - unheard of!!! I should really clean my flat but it's half seven at night and I just can't be bothered - it's OK - I have done it superficially! Don't need to cook as had huge lunch with my parents - they doing well - it was really lovely being with them - they were both content.... good feeling - happy for me and with me....

Went to the dancers beach party last night - didn't stay all night - but it was great to dance outdoors - haven't done that for a while - since Turkey - and it was just fabulous to dance on the sand and witness the tide coming right up - and seeing the sky darken and the clouds glow... and just being outside - I do live so much indoors. Don't have a garden any more - but I do see the sky all the time from my convertible car!!!!! Unless it's absolutely pouring with rain - I have the top off! But I did enjoy being outside so much last night - should probably do it more often -and am sure I will in the future.

It's really interesting not knowing what my future will be, where I will go, how my life will pan out.... I am certain that there is another man waiting for me in the future, another lovely man - but when I will meet him, or where is from - could be anytime and anywhere! How exciting!!!!! I love my blogg - I write things without thinking - and am now smiling at what I've written - I think my future, my new lovely man and the outdoors are all linked - but we will see what we will see - I have an open heart and am just very excited about my future.......

My immediate future is a very, very busy day at work....... I worked so hard last week - not going to finish everything I wanted to - but had a good go - my office is also a horrible mess - but hey it's a productive happy mess!! Then off to Peru - wow - wow - wow - how amazing is that - I'm going to Lima and will meet some university people and then I'm due to meet Jimmy on Friday - he's in Austen, Texas at the moment - then we will travel - islands, Nazca lines, lakes and condors..... then ending up in Cusco where we will meet Rene - as we are going to a conference together - we've just been talking - my Montana sister - then the three of us will go to Machu Picchu together.. ... so holiday and a bit of work - but what a huge privilege my life is - utterly amazing......... I have no idea how I have ended up so blessed???

Thinking about that is what I do a lot - I suppose it's chicken and egg - I am lucky and I am blessed - and I can love and I do love - and I was wonderfully loved by one special man for over 30 years - so ..... and I continue to be loved and to love ... and am happy - very happy - a sort of glowing happiness from the inside - as I said - how blessed am I?????

Still a bit restless - excited in a holding myself sort of way - hehehehe!!!!!!!!!

Porto.......

Waking up in Portugal....... It’s a beautiful sunny morning and I am in Porto – after a pretty whirlwind week – last Sunday I woke in Cairo in a ridiculously posh 5 star hotel in a country of contrast and revolution.... still with me strongly that experience.... so much to learn from the desire/will to change – palpable and forceful like an energy in the air.

Then a busy week of Liverpool and Leeds, Alex’s graduation – emotional and charged with lots of Chris moments and reflections.... wonderful to see Alex and Lara together starting their new lives together in France... a ‘couple with furniture’ was how my Mother described them........ busy, busy at work with moments of sadness and witness of how hard it is for so many people to be happy in this lifetime.

It has also been a week of trying to eat/not eat anything which my Egyptian tummy bug agrees/disagrees with - it hasn’t agreed with much – apple juice, bananas and dry toast – it seems to tolerate – and it has been a week of eating out and dinners!!

My time in Portugal has been lovely, my hosts have been wonderful and I have learnt a lot. I love to visit other university models and for the first time in my life I do feel I actually have knowledge about something. I can see with some clarity an overview of how children’s university type activities are not only delivered, operate and are funded etc and also am able to reflect on how these fit into the university and educational systems and the role of key players etc – to see behind these to the level of acceptance of ‘change’ and the movement of energy around change....... ..... suppose that’s what I do now – to see and reflect and then to ‘know’ ...... it is amazing to have some knowledge – as I don’t think I have ever really felt I ‘knew’ anything..... I can’t remember details of names, events or facts but I suppose I can listen and ask questions and get a strong feeling about things.... bufff and then I don’t think - I just ‘feel’ – go with my intuition..... love it – bonkers but wonderful!!!

So it’s Sunday morning and I have shall have a leisurely breakfast of apple juice, banana and toast, might be brave and have some scrambled eggs as well! Then I shall explore the city of Porto... I have visited several Faculties and seen quite a few bits of the city and surrounding area but I shall just wander and see what I shall see ..... how lucky am I?

where I am now....

...is Leeds, staying in a B&B with Alex and Lara as today he graduates as Dr Jenkins! His Dad would have been so proud of him. Chris would be very happy and proud of all three of his beautiful sons, they are truly wonderful young men.

I suppose it is on days like today that I reflect on Chris not being here...... but the amazing thing about Chris was he often didn't do things, because he couldn't walk that far, but he was always so beautifully accepting of that - he never had to actually see, to be at things...... to appreciate them. For example he didn't go to Alex's last graduation, he was here with us in Leeds but my Mum and Dad went to the actually ceremony - which was a unique and very special occasion for them. So like everything because he accepted and enjoyed what he was able to do..... others had an opportunity which they wouldn't have had.......

My learning with Chris was huge... because I wanted to do everything, to experience things first hand, where as he could gain huge pleasure by witnessing..... Special, special man - how lucky was I to have been his mate for so many,many years? I don't feel him with me very often these days, but I do feel his peace constantly. I also know that my ability now - to accept and to enjoy the small things in life - is something that he taught me...... my heart glows with love.

It's very early in the morning and my body is still a bit wobbly dealing with something I ate in Egypt..... these things take time - it's teaching me patience! I had an extraordinarily wonderful time in Egypt - working in alignement with people who are embracing change.......... and they embraced me as an agent of change....... Remarkable!!!!! And I went to the Pyramids and rode a camel and was very, very happy......

Today the graduation ceremony then to Portugal on Thursday.......wow, wow, wow....I live in a whirlwind - but loving every second of this blessing called LIFE..........

trains home..

..... am on train home from London after dinner with very special group of people - after day conference on Aimhigher legacy - surprised how emotional I feel tonight - but glad I am here and feeling this..... it has been in many ways the last 12 years of my life!!! I was so glad that I was there today - it was such a combination of legacy and future.... real people now living on the edge ..... loved the fearlessness!!

So am on train on way home - listening to loud music on headphones - Mogwai - revelling in the technology - how cool is it to be on a train, writing a blogg on an ipad - just love the technology - I also just love the passion of today - some people have it - but there are also some people in this world who just don't have passion - who at the bottom level actually don't care enough about others, or themselves to be able to give anything - wow that is the hardest thing have ever said or written - about others - but felt I had to say it - buffff!

buzzing in Brussels - but gently!

Am in Brussels and feeling really good - it's Sunday evening and I have just had dinner with two wonderful young people and tomorrow we will spend a day working on Work Package 7 - that sounds boring - but the reality is just huge - and tonight we had a great conversation, sweeping and soaring and seeing opportunities - just love it - and it's my job!!!

Full on weekend really - I was up for 22 hours yesterday - very early start to run Jim to the airport - he's in Quebec now - then cooking for my Mum and Dad in the morning - loved that - afternoon with Paul and Sue - love them - visiting Pat - hard place but she's a fighter - then get changed and went to the Everyman Last Night Party - it was great - special for so many people - lots of wonderful connections and lots and lots and lots of dancing - just going for it dancing - great music - fantastic atmosphere - loads of sweaty bodies - dancing - fantastic - enjoyed it so much - thank you Vanessa I was thinking I was too tired but you got me there and I had such an amazing night.

So did nothing today but come back to earth and then flew to Brussels...... like you do....

The connections are accelerating - talking tonight about writing the bid - less than 2 years ago - but the ability to connect has already changed - we just have to see the doors that are open and walk through them - and that includes the doors that the technology opens for us - having no fear just walking through the door that is open in front of us - hey that's what it's all about!!!!!