the unexpected curve ball!

.... am home it's Monday evening...... and it's hard to know where to start this blogg.

Friday morning I left early to take my Mum and Sophie for a little holiday to stay with with my cousins in Devon..... at the time I was just thinking about my Mum and travelling that distance and would she be alright, looking forward to spending time with Lizzie, Andy and their family etc etc -  when circumstances changed everything........

It is strange that we turn up for the weekend - much looked  forward to by all - hosts and visitors..... ..... when Lizzie my lovely cousin - becomes seriously and life threateningly ill.

So what has happened is that Lizzie has had major surgery - which she survived - and is now at a threshold of recovery (or not) - to be blunt.

But during this weekend we have  been......

....family

....... and tonight I am just treasuring the gift of family - to be able to love, to receive and to witness love....... is to be human - and to be consciously human is such a joy....... joy out of such an emotional and potentially sad weekend could be thought of as a bit weird - but it actually feels so right.  But the shadow of joy is grief.......

.... family means all of us.......

Seven years....

A long time - a short time - no time - all of time........

Seven years ago today my lovely man died - and two years ago tomorrow my lovely Dad died.....

........ and today I have been so happy..........

.... and I'm really proud of me!!!!!

There was a point today when I was walking into work in the sunshine and I just felt pure joy and happiness - there was also points today when I talked to two of my sons and felt their sadness...

......but overall I have been as high as a kite!

The main reason for this has been a beautiful falling together of so many work things and in particular their harmony and resonance with the spiritual dimension of my life.

I live in two worlds much of the time: Alegra's world and Tricia's world... there are people who know both but most people know one - but get glimpses of the other. One very much a spiritual being - the other a woman of this world.....

... and this is my 7 year journey - when Chris died - I was Tricia.... now I am both Tricia and Alegra - and this is the huge growth and awakening of the spiritual aspect of my being - or as my son's would call it - the old hippy part of me!

Tomorrow I take my 93 year old Mum to Devon. Three years after taking my Mum and Dad on their last holiday together to Devon and two years since she lost my Dad, her home, her mobility - as she broke her hip at that time.

We are going with my niece Sophie and  staying at my cousin Lizzie's - I just love family!!!!!! Talked to both and my Mum today - and all of us are just so excited about being together, being family...... treasuring the time we can spend together.... how is that defined? I see it as happiness as felt in the heart.... but also with gratitude that we are able to do this..... talked to Lizzie tonight and know that this also includes a recognition of grief..... which is OK too!

Looking back at this blogg post - I recognise that I have used the seven years well......... thank you Chris my lovely man for being in my life and being such a teacher to me.... and thank you my lovely Dad for cherishing me... I am grateful and blessed... and doing my best to be ME....... which of course is just a part of US!

Back home from Paris - how did that happen?

I live such an extraordinary life - I get a good idea and it sort of happens - which is weird but also wonderful!

So a few months ago I  thought it would be a good idea to go to Paris - work - linked to a workpackage - linked to my needing to know stuff.....  then I thought it would be a good idea to ask a group to go with me - a mixture of members of my current and also my previous team, including young ones.... So I make that happen  - then go off to Africa etc .... doing other stuff..... then suddenly it's Paris.....

Not explaining this well - as I am not certain how I actually make things happen - but I do! I could have gone to Paris for a meeting with maybe one or two other people and it would have been interesting - but I go with 7 very different people - I end up having a few days which were amazingly rich in learning.....

I know I make things happen but am still not certain exactly how I do this! 

Food for thought - crack this one and I am consciously manifesting!!!!

shouldn't start blogging at this time of night - should be sleeping!

Jet lag is funny - I just get wide awake when I should be sleepy - tomorrow morning I know I will struggle! But not  complaining -  I am so amazingly blessed to be having this opportunity to travel - and I knew this time would be pretty full - I go to Paris on Saturday - my 4th country in 4 weekends - then Ireland the following weekend for a wedding - really looking forward to that - as there will be many Spirithorse people there and I have so missed them!

Last weekend was quite poignant in Chicago for several reasons - not least as I can't see me going to another COE conference -  I have been to 13 of the last 15 years annual conferences and ran summer schools and study tours for COE students and staff for 12 years - and Mitch was such an amazing mentor for me for so many years - so extraordinarily important to my professional thinking, decisions and repute. It felt very important that I attended this conference as Mitch was retiring - and I am really glad that I did......  

.... but the USA after Africa was hard.  I knew would find it so because I always find the USA hard - and to go straight from Ethiopia and Kenya was always going to be difficult. It was also full of  'last moments' - these weren't bad or painful - but they were poignant.

There was also quite a lot of Chris grief - which came as a really big surprise...... his death 7 years ago was days after the COE conference in New York - Jimmy and I with many friends attended the 2007 conference - which was also in the same hotel in Chicago... I stumbled on my blogg posting of Chris's memorial service just as I was leaving for Chicago.... this sounds morbid - but it wasn't it was just about the recognition of grief.

Grief is good! That was unexpected learning....

Grief is about recognising truth - love of what is lost - plus all the sadness, regret, guilt for what didn't happen  but it is also about joy and  recognition of what is no longer - about what was beautiful - what should be recognised, celebrated, loved and treasured.

So that was how I felt and what I was thinking - and it has been a pretty hard ride - but I have also felt so loved during this time.... it also feels like a big step somehow - a moving on.......

.... and so we continue - to be alive is a gift.

Now it is very late and sleepy or not I must go to bed!!!

Back home and off again!

.... it's Thursday evening - I got back from Kenya last Saturday - went to see my Mum on Tuesday with Jim - couldn't go on Sunday as was waiting in for my luggage! We had talked quite a few times whilst I was in Ethiopia and Kenya - me being there - had brought back many memories of my Dad's time there - in the year she was waiting to marry him - special and wonderful conversations....

Now I am off to Chicago tomorrow - which feels pretty wierd.... September is a month of travelling.....

... early start tomorrow.....