Special afternoon with my Mum......

My Mum talks a lot about death to me - I don't think she has these conversations with anyone else... well she told me today that she didn't...  but we have them a lot - usually when there is just the two of us together or on the phone.

She has concerns about dying, not fear....... but concerns...... and we talk about these..... today we went deep and during the conversation I looked at my Mum and she was 'glowing' ..... she looked so beautiful it was a truly amazing moment... a bit later I took her photo... the tears still there in her eyes..... but her smile speaks for itself.

It is special to be so close to my Mum.

x

I am making plans for my life after leaving Liverpool and my Mum is my main concern. It's still a year or so in the future........  but today I told Mum that I plan to leave the UK..... but I don't think she will remember though, but I feel I need to start getting the idea in her head.

I suppose it is the combination of treasuring the time with my Mum - as it is so finite - and the depth of the conversation...... made today a very special afternoon.

I have had a very lazy weekend, spend much of yesterday in bed - a lot of it sleeping.... the last couple of weeks and the light nights of Copenhagen catching up on me..... combined with a very late Friday night with Gilly.... Bit more energetic today - ran in the park and visited Chris's tree, then went to see my Mum.

So busy couple of days at work then I go Singing in the Wild again..... great stuff!!!!!!!

Eating Jelly Beans in Copenhagen.....

.... it's well after 10 at night and it's like daytime... I flew in from Zagreb this afternoon - a bit delayed due to the most torrential rain in Croatia, had a coffee with Florian at the airport - on his way home to Liverpool (briefly) and then went to the Tivoli Gardens after checking into the hotel - I have been trying to remember going to the Tivoli when I was 13 - an unbelievable 48 years ago!!!!! I will ask my Mum when I see her next weekend but doubt she will remember.... neither do I actually... just a faint sort of a wisp of a memory....

I have been phoning my Mum whilst away - quite complicated as she is not in her own room because of the flood... and she has been upset by not having a working telephone in her temporary room.... the change has been difficult for her - makes me think of what a thin line she is actually living - it doesn't take much to really undermine her.

Didn't get to speak to her tonight, though I tried, but had a long chat yesterday.... the trouble is she just doesn't remember - and it is getting noticeably worse.

So tonight I am on my own... decided to have an early night as I have to be at the conference venue by 8 - and am not totally certain where it is etc - but I don't feel sleepy and found a bag of jelly beans - which I can't stop eating - so have added a sugar hit to the lightness - but I have set my alarm - so will go to sleep sometime and hopefully wake up in time!

Kerry gave me the jelly beans and I brought them intending to give them to Rob - but didn't - they are the ones that have all the different flavours - I know I will just eat them until I have finished the bag.... they are very addictive....

... so wide awake in Copenhagen..........

Blogging from Croatia...

....... sitting in Rob's beautiful garden as he drives Kerry to Zagreb, waiting for the washing machine to finish and then I'll take Tommy the dog for a walk by the river Drava. It is very sunny and peaceful with birds cheeping and the wind blowing in the trees. There is an occasional car passing on the road and the whirrrr of the washing machine..... this is where one of my three sons lives... how strange it might feel but how ordinarily lovely it does feel.....

Varazdin is a magic place to me - and yesterday as Kerry and I walked through the old town before Renata's wedding it felt 'magic' ..... I wrote on Facebook the other day - I don't believe in coincidences I live them.... and Varazdin is proof of that... I watched a webcam in 1999 and now my life is intrinsically entwined with this part of Croatia, personally and professionally!

Having been very peaceful - the bells are loudly ringing at the Church next door, the washing machine has gone into overdrive and the dog has started barking madly at another dog on the street.... life can change so very quickly!!!!

Yesterday was Renata and Edo's long awaited wedding day - two young people now living in America, also entwined in my life.....

....... and today Kerry left - the Australian connection so very strong after two weeks of being together...... again both personally and professionally..... wonderful weeks of learning and thinking and joy. We both cried as she left and it felt poignantly sad.... surprising both of us with our depth of feeling...

But now I think the washing machine has finished and I will take the dog for a walk - like you do when you are home - this time in Croatia.......

Off again in the morning....

... for nearly two weeks.....

....... been dancing tonight which was lovely - haven't been for three weeks - I love dancing!

Off again tomorrow - lots of meeting in five countries but in the middle we will stay at Rob's and go to Renata's wedding in Varazdin..... lovely!

..... feeling tired but very happy - today was a red letter day!

quiet night in.....

....... which is lovely - listening to Nicolas Nicolby on audiobook - just had my tea, enjoying the lightness of a lovely June evening in my flat.

I am missing talking to my Mum - she is back in Abbeyfield after the flood but in a different room and without her phone. I know she's doing well as I have talked to Jenny but I really do miss talking to her - as I usually do most evenings....

.....I am going to see her with Jimmy on Sunday so that will be good.

Naples was really good - being a tourist and then the work - amazing young people from a very tough environment - it felt very special to connect and talk deeply with them.... which was quite extraordinary as I don't speak Italian - but Michela translated superbly - and I suppose because I am so often talking to non English speakers that I am quite good in expressing myself in translatable English... sometimes I also seem to be able to understand conversations... which is wonderful.

Got rather bitten by bedbugs in the hotel - been trying not to scratch - but they are going down which is good..... rather a lot to do at work before off again next Tuesday..... feeling good - if a bit itchy!

Being a tourist!

This weekend I have been a tourist. This is the second time in Naples this year and I have always wanted to see Pompeii - so I came a day early - going to Pompeii and Herculaneum as well. They were fantastic - different from what I had thought - I had imagined images from a schoolgirls text book - but the reality was amazing - 2000 year old physical history. I love houses type history - and the thought of this was where real people lived until one day their entire city was destroyed was so thought provoking. 2000 years ago people lived in these streets, bought and sold from these shops - watched theatre, including gladiators fighting to the death,  listened to music, bathed in public baths and lived very human lives........

Now I am living a very human life in the 21st century, taking photos with an iphone, posting pictures for friends around the world to see... talking briefly to my sons in three different countries as they met  each other on a Skype call - planning a family week in Prague...... what an amazing life! Shortly Michela will arrive and we meet up with some people to finalise tomorrows children's event.... another amazing aspect of my current life!

I have been feeling very excited over the last few days.... Edinburgh really focused my thinking and I returned from the conference quite high on what I could begin to see about the future..... and today was a cherry on the top of the cake day!

.... A strange week....

It's Sunday morning - early - and I am in bed - my Mum is sleeping in the next door room - a little figure curled up in my spare bed....... Abbeyfield where she lives - her home - had a flood on Thursday. - the cold water tank burst and went through the house. I'm not certain of the details but it sounds like her room, and the one above, were badly damaged and she has had to move out for several days. She has been at my sister Ann's, now mine and tonight Jenny's after lunch at Fiona's - our mutually busy lives just about overlapping enough!

My Mum was good yesterday, beginning to enjoy the unexpected holiday, but she is also very upset about  the uncertainty and her memory constantly trying to recall facts and details, which seem to disappear so quickly from her mind.

Jim came round for tea - I will really miss him in Liverpool from July..... when he moves to Prague.... He has a wonderful calm energy and presence...... and having him living just around the corner has been a joy.

I have just spend a few rich days in the Netherlands, work plus testing out ideas for my future plans..... It is all feeling right and exciting but also I know it won't just come to me..... I now have to do the work!

So breakfast with my Mum and then pack and off to Edinburgh for the week..... Will be spending time with dear friends as well as working..... Lucky, lucky me!