Off to Brazil

It's been a very busy week at work - and the week has just seemed to have flown by. But this seems like the norm for everyone.

Life does seem very strange  the moment - and I feel a growing alignment between everything I do - though I also feel a strong sense of 'not understanding' what's going on... but a growing sense of 'feeling' that great changes are going on!!!

I love it when I have random conversations - like yesterday when I was getting my hair cut - a conversation which led to a real sense of shared understanding. I love that feeling of connection, when you don't really need to say very much - but just understand each other.

Well off around to the other side of the world - feeling very happy and sort of comfortable - that sounds a bit weird - still not certain why I do what I do - but know that I am doing the right thing - if that makes sense?

Afternoon with my Mum, Jenny, Fiona and little Aiden - then off to Sao Paulo - counting my many blessing!

Dancing and my Mum

It's Sunday evening and I have been dancing all weekend - 'Space' with Andrew Holmes - two days of deep dancing - absolutely wonderful. Earlier today I danced 'outside my body' - it is a bit difficult to explain - but when you dance deep - sometimes your body sort of disappears and you feel like you have no edges to your body. This didn't used to happen very often - but I have increasingly been going to this place - well today I went there - and then to the next place...................

...... this really is difficult to describe - but today when I  was dancing - I consciously took myself outside of my physical body into my Aura - well I guess it was my Aura - somewhere that I have never been before!

So that was pretty cool!

It's funny cos I am doing this amazing stuff, and living this amazing life - but I don't actually know the words for where I am - a lot of this is about me wanting to work everything out for myself - I don't want to be told these things by someone else. This means  - however a wonderful a teacher is - I feel it is crucial for me to recognise that the 'lesson' is coming through the teacher's perspective - and as we are all different - we have to learn things from our own perspective. So a really good teacher - takes you to a place where you work it out for yourself. This is true for dancing - for me - but I think it is probably true for everything - we learn when we are enabled to be in a position to learn - and when we are ready to - I think this is why I love Andrew as a teacher - because he is brilliant at what he does - but so subtle -  very in tune with his class and with a wonderful humility about what he is - which is an amazing teacher!

So I came back home and have an evening of conversations with Alex (in Grenoble) and my Mum....... conversations which were both lovely but also poignant. My Mum had been taken unwell at Chapel this morning  - probably her heart - which operates on three valves. Not seriously unwell but a 'turn' she was unhappy - as she felt stupid - when she gets down - she sort of loses all her confidence and says things like I'm just a silly old woman. We talked a long time on the phone which was good......

Never finished this blogg last night - sleep just crept up on me - I had danced for two whole days - so it was understandable! Well - it's now Monday and I have been to London and back - had a great day of meetings - so buzzing - as well as the legacy of days dancing with a wonderful teacher. Early night tonight!

Expectations!

I have for a while now becoming clearer about the reality of What you expect - is - What you get.

Not totally certain of the parameters for this - but I do feel it is very true when going into a specific situation - if I go into something - with the expectation that it will not be good - well hey - guess what - it isn't! But if I expect it to be positive - not always easy - but positive - then - it will be.

I think the biggest thing in my life - was Chris dying - and looking back I can see that I made the decision - then and there - to go into the future positively - and I see my current fulfilled and richly blessed life - a consequence of that mindset. But it was definitely not easy.......

But it is also true of the smallest things - if I expect this day to be joyful - it will be - if I can recognise and enjoy all the elements of it. This doesn't mean everything will work out as I want them to happen - but if my mindset is one which says - I expect joy from this day - whatever actually happens is irrelevant - if my mindset is to feel the joy of being alive and having the gift of  living another day!

Well today has started well - it's just after 9 in the morning and I'm blogging from my bed - I slept well - but woke early - and decided that I needed to run in the park - I have been away for three weeks and not done much exercise during this time - and eaten many beautiful meals! My body is feeling a bit heavy - I expected it to be a good run - though I knew it wasn't going to be easy!

Anyway the run was amazing! Much better than I expected - firstly the park is just so deliciously green, lush and verdant after all this rain... the sun is shining and the freshness of the morning made it a wonderful place to be. It was hard though - my body felt heavy - but I warmed up and then ran to a special place - close to where I used to live - it is a spot where I used to go and meditate when I was just starting my spiritual awakening. I meditated there for a while in the sunshine then continued my run - I saw Kipper the dog's doppelganger - a dog called Shadow - who has very similar markings - he's old now and it was lovely to see such a close simile to my lovely Kipper.

Then I ran to the tree where we scattered Chris's and Kipper's ashes - a beautiful Beech tree - its trunk strong and its new leaves shimmering - I stood with my back to the tree and remembering both of them with love - I was just standing there when I looked up to see a little robin on a branch, very close, and right in front of me. He sang to me as I stood with tears running down my cheeks. It was very special. So I expected a good run - but I didn't know I would be serenaded by a robin!!

It's Sunday and I'm off again tomorrow to Brussels - I have quite a lot of work to do before I go - this afternoon I will go and see my Mum - have spoken to her lots over the last three weeks but it will be good to be with her. I might just spend a bit longer in my bed though as it very comfortable....

A beautiful start to the day - and now I will expect to find joy in the rest of the day!!!

In Croatia with Rob

A very special week with Rob - tonight in Zadar - after nearly two weeks together - this last week  has been a holiday - Sarajevo and Hvar -  but much more important a time for us to to talk - I can't see such a time together in our future - we have not always agreed - but over the last week we have really talked - deeply, spiritually and openly.... wonderful....

Tomorrow back into world of work - but how blessed have I been to have had this opportunity to travel and to talk deeply with my oldest son..... feeling very happy........