A wave just hit me and knocked me over...................

I was walking to work just now and I was trying to recall something - actually it was the exact times of my sons births.... when I suddenly had this really clear thought 'I'll ask Chris - he will remember' 

................  and it was like a wave of huge grief just hit me.

Haven't felt this for quite a while....

I do go to grief - often when I dance - but the unexpected wave has shaken me. So am in my office trying to prepare for a days work and just feel like curling up and crying.....

BUT now I have expressed it - thank you blogg - I already feel better.

Strange though how something can come so out of the blue......

Busy, busy......

Home and happy! Came back from Brussels late last Wednesday and the days seem to have just flown by.....

Cologne and Brussels were really good, packed full of lovely people and lots to reflect on..... this is a very special time for SiS Catalyst...... three and a half years on - fast approaching our final few months....now is the time to pull together all the strands of learning......

........ and it all seems to be coming together - in beautiful waves of insight. Not yet all clearly articulated but it is a great feeling to be able to begin to see where it is all going..... and increasingly I can see beyond the end of the year and this also includes into the next stage of my own life!

I am also feeling quite tired - working hard during the days and then just wanting to do very little in the evenings..... but that's OK. But feeling very happy and my feeling of happiness has been reflected in the beautiful weather we have been having.... It does seem to be an exceptionally beautiful spring/summer.... full of contrasts in the weather - yet the richness of the colours and abundance of the trees and plants has been especially strong - all framed in the blueness of the sky and contrasting rich clouds...... just lovely!

So busy, tired and happy..... Life's good!

It's Saturday night and I'm in Cologne.....

..... and it's quite late but I am not sleepy....

..... I love the unexpected..... and that's what I have had..... an unexpectedly great couple of days.

I will be travelling to  Brussels tomorrow and have planned that for ages and then I realised that I should  be in Cologne for this conference - I love my life as I am not even certain at which point I  realised I should be here..... but I did ...... and then I am here!

But I feel very strongly that it is so right that I should have been here and feel I have learnt so much from being  here....

Today I think so many things have just  'fallen into place'.......which just feels wonderful as I was going through a real period of not being quite sure where I was going..... I know I have made decisions about next year - going part-time from January - finishing of my work at Liverpool and moving on..... but quite what I was going to be doing was not clear to me...... but now it is!!  Love it.......

The details aren't clear but they are not important - I know what I am...... and now know what I should be doing.......  and this is the most important thing......

The knowing what I am has come as a bit of a surprise.... but again not really - it feels like I have just looked in the mirror and seen myself..... I knew who I was.....  but when you are inside yourself you don't really know how you look like to other people..... and now I have looked in the mirror - and thought:  "Of course!!!! That's me.... that's what I look like, that's who I am!"

I was beginning to see this after I came back from Peru.... but these last couple of days have really given me a clear insight into what I am.... and as a consequence what I need to do.

OK - sounds a bit vague but now I know what I want/need to do I just have to let the Universe do the  rest!

So tomorrow I meet Jolanta after breakfast and we will talk and maybe visit the Cathedral of Cologne and later I will get the train to Brussels for a few days of meetings... doing what I do now..... but also following my intuition as to what I will be doing in a year or two!!!!!

Isn't life just so INTERESTING!!!!!!!!! As my Mum said to me the other day.

xxxx