Friday, February 10, 2017

So Mum has gone...

She went peacefully and smiling. The last few weeks she had experienced quite a lot of pain and was sedated with morphine as the tumour in her liver swelled. The home she lived in was magnificent, caring and personal and in the end she turned to them rather than the family. She had told me earlier in the year that she felt like 'A little girl with a lot of Mummys',  and I really like to think of her last few days of being cared for like a little girl......

We had a perfect funeral. Very personal, everyone contributing from the great-grandchildren lighting the candles in the candlesticks that she had been given for a wedding present, to the different aspects of her life told by her daughters, grand-daughter, family and friends. The Minister was a close personal friend and made it very special. We had a service in the crematorium where we said good bye and this was followed by a celebration of her life in the Knutsford Brook Street Chapel where she had belonged for over 50 years. During this service everyone was invited to place little pots of pansies around the candles as their own way of saying goodbye. There was much talking, sharing, hugging and laughter and we did it well. She would have been happy.....

So now I am coming to terms with my Mother no longer being in this life and I turn again to my old friend my blogg! I have not blogged at all since the tenth anniversary of Chris's death  in late September.  For the last few months every day, I have been half expecting a phone call to tell me that Mum had passed away.  In the end of course it came as a shock, but I feel I was very prepared for it,  and as I knew she was living with pain, grateful for the release.

I'm still in Liverpool, my boys have gone back to Croatia and Portugal and I will return on Monday. It feels like a start of a new era, which I suppose it is. I will obviously come back to the UK to see Jimmy and Rachel, and my friends but my mother's death does make a difference.

So a new era?

Well I look forward to seeing  what my future holds.......   but wherever I go I will know  that I am the woman I am, because my mother was the woman she was.........


Very last letters.....

At end I wasn't sure if you was capable of reading the letters or knowing that they came from me - I sent three in 2017 - the very last on my birthday and 5 days before she died.









Last letters



These are the last few months of letters, during this time I travelled backwards and forwards and visited my Mum quite a lot. In  August I had taken Aidan camping in the Pennant Valley with no internet etc - and during that time I sent several postcards. Mum really enjoyed reading the letters and carried them around with her. As she grew nearer to the end she was not really able to focus on them but she could still read them - and they became briefer - but the lovely thing for me is that My Mother knew I loved her - my one constant message.




In October she was still well enough to have (somewhat parallel) conversations with her friends at Acorn Hollows - she was particularly fond of Audrey (on the right) and they often kissed and embraced each other in a beautiful affectionate way.

Jenny went to see Mum when this letter arrived and she really enjoyed the funny picture of the crazy carrots!