Such an exciting weekend....

.. and also very emotional, a weekend of real transformation/change and I had such a wonderful role in it .... just being me .. but so glad that I could physically be here for Becki and her very special Mum and Dad... and also my Mum tonight....

OK .. there is a very long story here.... short version my niece Becki and her beautiful toddler, Aidan, moved into their own house this weekend...

Their stories..... are complex, painful, beautiful yet despite some of the most difficult times... full of love... increasingly recognised... by themselves... by all of us....

Had the most wonderful conversation with my Mum tonight, didn't need to explain, just needed to shed tears of joy, which we did, as I talked about being in the Supermarket yesterday with Becki and Jimmy .. being blessed by doing something so small as a supermarket shop .. but something so huge as a supermarket shop - Becki's first - feel it's difficult to get the words right and express how special it was to just be there.... Jimmy, Becki and I - extraordinarily special.

So Sunday night after an amazing week and weekend, very tired..but very alive and full of energy... wow how lucky am I........................

Made them happy!!!

Am pretty exhausted - 3 amazing days and nights, wonderful, yet probably the hardest days work I have ever done.... but what happened was extra-ordinary..... and we did it!!

It's late 2.00 - Friday night/Saturday morning - it's been a very very long day! I was emotional earlier on this evening - as it was not easy..... and sometimes, even though I knew I was doing my best.... it still felt, and I think was, very very hard....

But - it was absolutely and truly wonderful - Wonder Full!!

Bufff - so I am joyous... in awe of the people who are now - firmly in my life- 3 days like we have had - we are connected for life!!! I also tied them all up in string at some point - so we all know this...

Tonight finished with dancing - which of course it had to and that was also perfect - Alma de Cuba at it's best - deliciously bonkers and scouse... just loved it.... so a euphoric blogg - Rene leaves tomorrow early, then I will pick up Renata for breakfast with Jimmy, then Raul later.... exhausted, joyful and so so blessed.

Loving the fact that I did my job - recognised this and was also recognised - and ended up making them all happy....... (though also know some are still confused about what it all means) but hey this was the kick off meeting for a 4 year - ambitious project - hahaha - and yes some of us will be confused, but that's just an opportunity to learn!!!!!!

Kicking Off!!!!!

...... and we are... 70+ people from around the globe spent this evening taking Children As Change Agents to the next stage ...... of becoming a reality... and it was truly wonderful.

I am pretty exhausted, woke very early this morning about 4.30 and it's now 20 hours later and I have been talking, listening, recognising , making wonderful reunions and connecting people all day.... I should be exhausted but am not ... flying high - kite like - I will have to stop at some point!!!! But hey maybe not !

I held the space for everyone tonight.... it was not easy... but I was well prepared, well supported and had only invited those who had the capacity to come with me ... and we did... we went there..... wonderful, natural and the way it was going to be... I am feeling so energised ... I just wanted to dance... I did earlier on when Rene and I came home, I just had so much energy in my body, it just needed to dance!

Tomorrow is a day of transition as others take steps forward... and I take steps back...joyful... I know my role - I told them all tonight, my role is to keep them all happy - simplistic but true... it went down very well, I just love this... they understood!!!

Energy..................

Have an amazing amount of energy at the moment.... I woke up at 4.30 this morning - didn't get up for a couple of hours but was happily awake, had a very busy day at work, danced for 2 hours, talked to Rene and others and it's now after midnight and I am absolutely wide awake... never felt so alive!!

Not certain what's going on here.. but this is quite normal for me ... though it doesn't actually feel 'normal'... feels good and really quite wonderful... but it doesn't feel normal!!! Not certain what normal is any more... the more I learn, the more I understand, and the more I know I don't know!

Could just be that this is such an exciting week... people arriving, feels like an great big party is about to start... which is good. Could be I'm connecting to other energies around me, could be all sorts of stuff... and hey probably is!

Excitement mounting.....................

.... I have a really strong feeling of fluttering emptiness in the pit of my stomach and an amazing warmth in my heart area as I really begin to think about next week. 50 plus people from around the world will be here in Liverpool to start making Children As Change Agents a reality - this is just so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's wonderful - and reflecting on this - I can feel my whole body reacting to this - shivers of excitement - making my finger tips tingle and me smile so broadly - that I think I must look pretty bonkers!

But I am actually living this beautiful broad smile - well what on earth does that mean? Well I see this beaming smile is an indicator of my happiness.... the visible part of my body - the smile externally reflecting the love and joy that my mind and my soul jointly know. I am just so very very happy. I am also just so alive - glowing with life and surrounded by ideas swirling around me, playing peek a boo with me, joyfully waiting to come out and play!!!

OK I am sounding increasingly crazy here - it is 1.30 in the afternoon - I am writing my blogg whilst I wait for Rene to arrive. She set off from Montana yesterday and three flights later she missed her connection in Amsterdam. She's so close I can almost feel her with me and I think this is a big shiver within my excitement of today.

Rene and I met a few years ago and actually only talked very briefly a couple of times, though once in particular was a very deep conversation. But when Chris died I turned to her, amazing, the other side of the world, and she was so there for me... my Soul Sister, we are just connected. I think she was the first person I recognised as having a strong soul connection with, which meant that we didn't need to talk, even to know each other, to know we are totally connected.

Since Rene I have a growing number of sisters and daughters that I am so connected with. There are also men that I know I have a soul connection with, but I haven't yet found the words to describe these relationships.... I find connecting with men is more complicated because connections generate a lot of energy and this can be confused with sexual energy.. or maybe it is the same - I don't know... I do know there is a growing number of lovely men in my life, some of whom I do feel a very strong connection with. But I also know I only talk really openly with 3 or 4 of them about recognising this connection, maybe I just should start calling them Soul Brothers though there are a couple I would prefer to call Soul Lovers though! Bufff!!! Can't believe I'm writing this on my blogg - but hey I have no fear!!

So Rene will be here in a couple of hours, I am cooking a chicken in lemon and butter, and have made some leek and potato soup and there I have some bread rolls rising, I have made up my spare bedroom and think I am just so ready for her arrival. Number 1, to be followed by the others during the week. Wow I am still so amazed that we are now doing this - back to excitement.... OK be practical.... I'll do some ironing and clean the bathroom!! The small things are important........

Sunday

A lot of strong whirling and swirling movement around me at the moment - on reflection not just me - the World....... swirling/whirling...... not certain how to describe it..... it's everything that I/We know, but changing and more so... I have a very strong feeling of rightness/OKness/joy but also a feeling of ... uncertainty/ expectation/ growing excitement which on reflection is wonderful... but it is also making me a bit 'twitchy'!!!

So much change..........like a huge big roller coaster wave ... wonderful and powerful and 'right' but WOW!!!!!!!

OK - lazy Sunday in my lovely little flat - not been out of the door - mind I didn't get up until really late cos I was out dancing last night... I LOVE DANCING.. I was at a party early with Vanessa, the DJ, when she was doing the sound check and I danced on my own in the empty space... joyfully... gloriously... wonderfully.... childlike... I have decided the older and wiser I get, the more childlike I get - it is just such the right place to be... especially as I now coordinate Children as Change Agents.

Thinking about this though, what do we mean by 'childlike'? - to call someone childish is to probably to insult them! But to look at life through the eyes of a child is extraordinarily truthful, clear and beautiful... and our grief is that we have forgotten how to do this.....I have a strap line for the project, which I have yet to be public about, but am working towards, which is: 'Things we Grown Ups have forgotten.'

So Sunday night, joyful, childlike and tired.... way to be xxx

And here's me dancing!

Decisions about the future...............

When I start writing a blogg - I start with the Title: **** and often it takes me by surprise.... like just now... as I don't really think through what I'm going to reflect on... just go with the flow... but this title is significant as I hadn't really realised that I had made decisions about the future!!!!

So what's all this about then?

Well, I'm very joyful and also very knackered... both absolutely related to being in Vienna most of the week, very long days and very short nights. I have also had a lovely day cooking chicken soup for my parents and visiting with Jimmy, glowing with love as my Dad had 4 bowls of soup - how special is that - he said I had put too much chili in it - but I think the fact that he ate 4 bowls meant he enjoyed it a lot!! He was in very good form, he was able to hear more and clearly enjoyed us being there - talking and laughing - he doesn't laugh a lot now, as life is really really hard for him most of the time. My Mum was also in good form and we were HAPPY, which was wonderful.

Now this relates to my decision about the future and several overlapping conversations and reflections over the last few days and last night.

OK so where am I now... well the Coordinator of this huge project, 4 years, over 4 million Euros, partners and advisers all over the world..... and it has now started to become a reality. The meeting in Vienna was the start........ so after 18 months of writing the bid, with wonderful support and definitely not on my own, negotiating it to the next stage, a very difficult and complex process.... I was in a room of 20 plus people, about a third of the whole consortium... a pretty posh room in the University of Vienna, with this wonderful group of people, some I know well, some I have met briefly and some not at all ... but together we were starting to make Children As Change Agents a reality..... Wow Wow Wow.....................

I have lived, talked, slept, dreamt this project for so long and now it's a room full of people: wonderful, inspiring, exciting and excited people, turning ideas and thoughts into a global reality....... how fantastic is that!!!!! No wonder I am as high as a kite!!

In Spanish the word 'crear' is to create and the word 'creer' is to believe - remarkably similar and I create/believe - 'creo' is the same. This seems very appropriate for where I am right now - creating and believing. I haven't got Hector to discuss this with any more, as he's now in India, and I haven't got my act together to get another Spanish teacher - I am also away so much ... and I do feel I am forgetting my Spanish..... I do need to do something about that - but that's a different story...

So Children As Change Agents for Science and Society - is beginning to take shape and move beyond conscious thoughts into the real world... we are now making it happen!!!!!!

So what is my decision? Well over the last couple of weeks I have been, and not on my own, wrestling with the question - what are the Roles and Responsibilities of the 10 Work Package Leader, the 16 Partners, 3 Partner/Advisers, 15 Advisers and 2 Informal Advisers!!! - but also crucially for me 'What is the role of the Coordinator?'

Well I now know what the Role of the Coordinator is - and it is very simple and directly links back to my lunch with my parent... my Role is just to make sure that everyone is HAPPY!!!!

It is actually blissfully simple and glaringly obvious, though I think it will test my skills and wisdom, but if everyone is happy, then it will all work perfectly. So my role as Coordinator is to ensure that all of these wonderful people, from all around the world, are HAPPY doing what is required for them to do - their bit of the jigsaw!

Love it!!!!

... and of course the secret of happiness is attention to detail - the importance of the small things....................