Not sure what's happening.....

... has been a strange few days - I had a virus/food poisoning - not sure what - but 3/4 days of sickness - it has been a joy to feel physically good today - been dancing tonight followed by a meal of  fish and rice - being hungry makes food really appreciated..... having written that..... makes me think that I don't appreciate food as much as I should, ordinarily.


Things at work have had elements of sadness recently that I have yet to really understand and life has felt strangely uncertain and 'rocky'..... I thought for a while what word I wanted to use there ..... I was thinking about journeys - walking on a path, or in a boat on a river.... 'rocky' being the terrain....  ...rocky could just be a little lumpy bit on the path/river - or could be huge obstacles... I think I mean manageable rockiness.. something that made the journey a bit harder work - but not really massively difficult/or impossible. I suppose that when life is a bit 'rocky' - you just have to go with the flow a bit more - accepting you can only do what you can do - and just doing your best.....

Yes... the journey has been a bit harder last week, not certain why..... the previous weekend had been so wonderfully joyous.... but maybe that's the way things have to go?

My Mum is good... I have so loved her memories of her birthday weekend.... all the details completely blurry.... she remembers who was there - she is very clear on that - recalling them individually with her memories around them..... she also remembers the sunshine and a beautiful feeling of the Spring - the beautiful budding greenness of the trees and fields etc that we drove through, walked and picnicked in.... but the details are lost. She is aware of this - she told me yesterday - "I had such a wonderful weekend but I just can't remember any of the details of the days, what we did etc"... even with photos to remind her.... the detailed memories are gone.

I think it is really important that she remembers the totality - the fact that it was a really wonderfully, happy weekend - the details of what and when are not important to the memory of happiness.... Buff - the small things are crucial in what we do on a day to day basis but irrelevant for our memories?

Maybe that is true - doing/living with the importance of the details is hugely important - remembering the details is not important - I will have to reflect on that.............

Feeling full!!!!

It has been a very special few days, memorable...... and tonight I have felt quite emotional as I sorted out photos.....

It was my Mum's 94th Birthday and with Jimmy and Sophie we went to a cottage in Wales for a long weekend, with my cousin Lizzie and Andrew joined by Evie and Michael.... and it was extraordinary and special.

My Mum was just so happy!!

To be 94 and to be so full of energy and happiness is truly beautiful. She is usually pretty cheerful, unless she has her back pain... but her joy throughout the weekend was just precious......

I went dancing last night when I got home and danced through a huge wave of emotion.... I was surprised as it was unexpected after such a lovely weekend..... but on reflection it seemed very right.

My Mum is very old - 94 - she has had a rich and fulfilled life and is now living her life with gratitude and appreciation - which is lovely - she hasn't always been like this - but particularly since my Dad died - she has changed.

Last night when I danced I was very aware that I was dancing on the edge of duality where joy meets pain.... being so close to my Mum and feeling her happiness.... knowing it is so very precious because it is so consciously finite.

Life is....................

          ........... for living!

Lovely evening in Krakow!

... today I woke in Liverpool - this morning worked from home - emails, phone, Skype .... went 10 minutes down the road to Liverpool airport - easy on time flight - dozed - was picked up at Krakow airport - hotel - Jolanta arrives - beautiful deep dinner conversations - now back at hotel blogging.

We discussed the Universe - and how things just happen - but maybe only easily if you are open to them. Loved the learning that Jolanta shared with me - her version of the SiS Catalyst journey - special and magical.

Don't know how we record - capture - identify (world of work words) this learning - but am feeling increasingly close to finding a way........ I am Buzzing!!!!!!!!

Whirlwind world...........

It does seem to be a whirlwind that I (we) are living in - time is a very strange dimension - and sometimes I think whole days/weeks have flown by and sometimes the present moment seems perfectly endless.

Am at home - go to Krakow tomorrow - but not for long - it's been a very busy time since I came back from Peru/Germany......  the wonderful thing has been the clarity of thinking which has stayed with me..... This last week I have felt really happy and fulfilled and sure of things - though actually things have been increasingly less certain!

Not sure what this means - but it does feel like a time of great change.

Change - embracing change - recognising that it is happening and not resisting it - is increasingly what I am sure about.... but with all this change going on - to be sure of anything is amazing!!!!!

Lovely evening tonight - a Wedding Skype with Rachel and her Mum - Jim and I in Liverpool - they in Qatar - sorting out the important little things.... then a funny conversation with Alex arranging a visit in May, and just how a long chat with Pat...... the importance of family is about those who you love and share your life with, worry about, care for, sometimes argue with.... don't necessarily see that often - but one of the joys of technology is to be able to keep in touch with...... if you choose to.......

It is almost impossible to write a blogg without recognising and feeling gratitude for all the multitude of things I have in my life. I am just so blessed.