Floating down to earth.....

...... not certain where I've been but today I do feel more grounded than I have been for a few weeks - probably wont last - I am only here for 3 days and then off again! Part of it is the physical travelling which I do so much of, but also the last couple of months have been so turbulent - the death of a parent is a huge thing....

So very pleased that I went away to make my knife - have been sharpening it tonight - after I used it to prepare Sunday dinner for Jim - which I have to say was particularly good! But the time I took to make my knife was just so amazingly special - hadn't thought of it linked to my Dad until I was there - because when I arranged it was well before his death - but the timing was wonderful.

Still not certain of what has happened to me over the last few weeks - but am beginning to understand that it has involved profound changes deep within me..... tonight I feel much freer and lighter than I think I have ever felt - I called this blogg floating down to earth - maybe I should have called it - floating up - cos that's what it feels like.... well 3 days in the office then off again... love it - how blessed am I?

amazed by how much I have learnt!

........back home - keep fondling and looking at my knife - it is so very, very beautiful! Last week it didn't exist  - and now it does  - and what lessons it has given me  - the blade, the handle and the sheath - a real trilogy.

Making my knife - a story to be told - but also the sweat lodge - buff! huge stuff - living in a yurt in a real community - doing it's best to be totally sustainable - then on Monday going to the Welsh Gypsy and Travellers young people's conference - huge resonance - and then the cars - mine blowing up plus....  overwhelmed by it all tonight!

But most of all - I am just in awe of how much learning this huge rich mixture has given me.....

Journeying.....

Wide awake in the night - but in a yurt in a field on the edge of a wood - a full moon lighting the world and the sounds of the night birds. I am here to work with Tom to make my knife - as agreed at Spirithorse. I knew it was to be a journey and that is what it is....... I didn't know until I started how much of this journey involves my Father. I have looked back to this year and also seen how my week dancing in Spain was also about my Father... I danced to a deep and hard place enabled by the knowledge of his love for me.... that was special....

But now I am making a knife....... intuitively I brought 2 knives of my Father's with me - small kitchen knives that he had sharpened over the decades - and these were my starting point with Tom...... but as the journey has unfolded in this beautiful Welsh community - I have been taken back into my childhood - back to my Father - and to the many places where he lives in my heart.

I have made the blade - I chose to make it from a small file - heating it on the forge and hammering it flat on an anvil - then I grinded the top edge - and this morning I will work on the bevilled edge. This afternoon there will be a sweat lodge ceremony.

I feel I am walking this journey with my eyes open but with no idea where it will take me.... I feel that it is important to spend these few days honouring my Father, to work with a lovely man teaching me - in a way that I have been blesssed all my life - being able learn from my Father from my birth and then from my Chris - a lifetime of learning and - at the same time knowing I was loved by two beautiful men - what a blessing......

And now I have not got their presence in my life - but I will always have their love - tears stream down my face as I write this - and maybe it was for a deeper understanding of this knowledge that my journey took me to this yurt in a field in Wales.........

Bulgaria.....

It's very late at night and I've been out dancing with wonderful young people - love it - ESU students still working when I get back to hotel - have so much time for them.....

Have felt engulfed with their energy for the last couple of days - really, really special - tonight was also a night of connecting - letting myself go - with the beautiful energy of the individuals I was with - sounds bonkers but it wasn't that crazy - I just went where my heart took me - and they came with me! Also - though and this does sound a bit crazy - we have actually also done a huge amount of work....

Though  my work is pretty bonkers anyway - but doing it feels just the most sensible thing in the world!

Happy - plus dancing - perfect.......

Purity of energy..

My Mother is living in the present. She forgets the recent past very quickly and she does not focus her thoughts on the future beyond the immediate..... she is living in the present.

I think her beauty comes from the purity of her energy as she focuses on the present. She is also doing this with such an intensity - she is truly living in the present - and that was what I witnessed on Sunday - and it was beautiful.

I'm wide awake in the middle of the night - for a change! Thinking about the importance of living in the present moment......

... and the joy that comes with that.... and the energy that is involved with doing that. That's why I see my Mother's energy as so pure.

I still feel full of a whirling energy - doesn't feel totally peaceful though, still feels quite chaotic. Maybe I should focus more on living in the present - accepting that I have no past or future - only this one moment to be alive - and to be happy of course!!