Such a happy week.......

The first time I can remember being 'consciously' happy was around the time Jimmy was a baby - I recall really trying to hold onto every precious moment, treasuring the very special time of his early babyhood, being a family with Chris and my two big boys - 12 and 6 at that time .... consciously recognising my happiness and enjoying it for what it was - a beautiful time in my life.

For a while now I have understood/felt consciously happy a lot of the time - but this last week has been an especially happy time..... and my heart sings with the memories of such a wonderful week. It was a week of family.... witnessing my youngest son getting married, with such authority and calmness - being the man that he truly is now.

What a week for him - leaving Liverpool on Tuesday to meet Rachel in Prague after being apart for six months, moving into a new apartment, in a new city with all the hassle and financial stuff that this involves, having Rachel's parents and brother Ben staying with them during this time, organising the details of a wedding, having his Mother, two brothers and Lara pitch up - and being beautifully peaceful and calm and just getting everything done....... it was awesome to watch.

The wedding was really special, I am getting tearful and emotional recalling it. I was very weepy most of the time - happy tears but it was all just so beautiful.... running out of superlative words..... I had lots of Chris moments.... Prague was a special place for us..... and it was the happiest week I can recall probably since that time when Jimmy was a baby.

So I was consciously happy in Prague, being with my family..... and being ....... happy!

Came back on Thursday - work on Friday - a couple of lovely insightful moments - walked with Giants in Liverpool yesterday alongside hundreds of thousands of people - that was also special - the energy in the city was ENORMOUS - happy positive energy - it felt huge and healing. Then today I took my Mum over to my sister Jenny's and had a lovely family lunch - connecting with my great niece Livy and loving being 61 to her 6 - great days.

I am just so happy!!!!!!!

Packed for Prague!

What a busy week! And tomorrow I meet my boys in Prague and now our family includes Rachel and Lara - Rachel's parents and one of her brothers are also there - so we will be a big family group and such an international family!

I feel deliciously excited tonight and so proud of my beautiful boys - Chris would have also have been proud of them - of us all - his family..... I don't wish he was here - because I won't wish he is still with us.... but I do feel quite emotional as I write this blogg - Chris never met Lara and Rachel and will never meet his first grandchild to be born in France early next year... but yes he would be really proud of us - his growing family!

So I sit in my flat with my bag packed and tears in my eyes - just 'being' with the happiness and also recognising the duality of grief that lives alongside it. It feels very precious......

Feels like a BIG day!

..... so many things going on in my life - but today has felt special. The biggest thing - but also so natural and ordinary - was driving Jimmy to Manchester airport this afternoon to catch a flight to Prague - a normal part of our lives..... but today felt it felt like a big step - because from today Jimmy will be with Rachel for ever - until death do them part..... for the next couple of years in the Czech Republic then who knows where - but from today together......

They are a very beautiful young couple - apart more than together for the three years since they met in Washington DC in July 2011 - and they are also just so together.... next week they will get married in Prague and in January they will have a big wedding in Liverpool - but all the time surrounded by so much love - individually and now together - special.

So that has felt pretty big today and then the world of my work is also feeling huge at the moment.....

So lots of stuff going on - off to Prague on Friday - all the Jenkins family - bufffffff - it just makes me smile!!!!!

Singing in the Wild - being in a place of Ceremony......

I got back home last night - and have spent the day returning to this world...... after nearly a week away.

I wrote to Jenny earlier today....

Am home - had an amazing time - a lot of Ceremony - everything can be Ceremony - and we had the space and time to go there - I think you would love Singing in the Wild - it is just so enormous - like all these things when you surrender to it all...... we were a small group a total of 10 in the wildness of the Pennant Valley..... resonating through song and dance with the valley and ourselves. We did deep and powerful work together. Today I am feeling completely blessed and just BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!

It was truly wonderful - we all used the word vulnerable a lot because that was we did - made ourselves vulnerable and open - collectively going to an amazing place of being as one but being our uniqueness...... difficult to describe this.....

But that was what we did!

Today I have been gentle with myself - taking things slowly - I will return to work tomorrow - but today I have been relishing the resonance of the totality - letting it gently come to rest within my body....... bufffffffff what an amazingly beautiful world we are blessed to live in!!!