Living in the moment...........

... I am tonight very tired but am happy to wait up for Rob, Hanja and Ivanicha to arrive from Croatia - struggling to stay awake though!

Really lovely day, Jimmy and Rachel came for a late breakfast and then we went to my Mum's - Jimmy introducing his girlfriend to his grandmother ....

I only got back from Roumania mid afternoon yesterday and had arranged to meet an old friend last night, because it was the only night we could meet for ages - and am so glad we did because we just talked - and I talked...... it poured out - so much has happened recently! So that was lovely and then today was so special - family...... Rob here later tonight til Friday - Alex and Lara overlapping Thursday night - Jim and Rachel being here til Wednesday then back the following Monday... wonderful!!!!!!!

Last week was also a real turning point for me - re the thinking that I need to clarify - hard but beautiful - so much fell into place in Bucharest - many reasons for this - but the real reason being that it was the right time...... I can now see clearly what I have to do - Big Picture - details still cloudy - but I have had lots of  - path analogies over the last few days - all about being able to see where I'm going -  I will however go into work tomorrow - and I must take this thinking and write it up really, really clearly - I know that wont be easy - I'm also supposed to be moving offices tomorrow and having a house full....

I can either look at this as difficult or I can just say - How lucky and I to have so much richness in my life - no brainer!!!!!

I have also just realised that I'm still in Bucharest time - 2 hours ahead - so waiting to 1 - actually means waiting up to 3!!!!!

Busy inBucharest....

I'm now in Bucharest - and it's strange to be somewhere - yet with so many people I know - and to feel that I'm in a different country, that I don't really know, and yet so much at home.

I have been interacting with 2 conferences over the last three days, working closely with people from across Europe and well beyond. Many of whom I've been with over the last few months - in several different countries - so extraordinary and yet so deliciously ordinary - wonderful.

The joy of both conferences are the young people - students from across Europe and young people aged between 13-15  from across the world. The thing I love most is how normal this feels - how right and just meant to be....

We are here to work - all of us - this is accepted by the young people and the slightly older students - and they have worked - for long tiring days ( and nights), and for most in a second language ( 2 other native  English speakers in 3 days)....   and I just love them for  their passion, integrity and commitment

They party but only after they have put the work in - and what work - real thinking - the joy of thinking - We Can, We Must and We Will change the world thinking.............. what better kind of work could there be?

So I too have worked hard.... feeling more focused now after the last few weeks/months .... and feeling strong and energised by Bucharest and the wonderful young people that I am blessed to be with.... tired tonight though, so an early night with a song in my heart - to dream well..... of change........ love it!!!

Days of change....

......it feels like a huge shift has occurred and I think it has. So what has actually changed?

Big things and small things... yesterday I left my office and the next time I return it will be to move out to another office. A small event in the scale of things - but the process means that I will be moving on from my lovely team - I will be leaving them to a very safe pair of hands - but they, and their work will no longer be my responsibility. There will be a small group that continue to work with me on SiS Catalyst but I will no longer work directly with the majority.

I am so happy that the decision has been made and the change enacted - for to get to this point has been has been very hard for all of us... yesterday I was describing how it has felt for the last few months - I felt like a Firefighter tackling a fire - holding onto a hose pipe and pointing it at the fire but with no water coming out!

But the change has now occurred - my office will be in boxes a week on Monday and I will move on. In the meantime I will go to Bucharest and have the chance to really focus on what I now need to do. My heart sings with happiness, it has wanted this for a long time and I feel very grateful for what has happened.

I also feel a deep sadness as I know that other people got hurt through the process and I did not want that to happen. I have thought so much about this and on reflection I do not think I could have stopped that hurt from occurring........

Sometimes it's OK to be sad - and to recognise hurt and pain and thats what I am doing now in my blogg. The pain is not mine - and I also recognise this - it is the pain of others that I am recognising and respecting.

So I move on..........................

 

back home but on the move...........................

....so much change - so much movement - feeling quite nomadic tonight - woke up in Paris this morning -  travelled home, bit of shopping and sorting, then dinner with Gilly - touching base with my life here - working plus family tomorrow..... then Brussels... then Roumania.... plus a lot of work here. Absolutely no complaint - knowing how lucky I am to do what I do - to be me - but also recognising that I am no longer the person of one place that I used to be!

The previous Tricia was so different!

Last weekend I was with Alex and Lara in Grenoble, and it was just so lovely to be in their French home, to see them happy.... perfect!

A couple of weeks before to see Rob happy in his home in Varazdin, Croatia.... wonderful. Knowing that Jimmy will be leaving Liverpool shortly - it does raise the question, what is there here for me?

Wow - that's a huge question, which for over 30 years was not even a question - but now?

Which of course with my nomadic head on - could be anywhere - why not? Crazy - but bottom line is - somewhere I will be happy........

Which of course means I need to know what makes me happy - wonderful - the best question in the world, the only question worth answering! But the answer is fluid - and I don't think I yet know the answer - I like being nomadic, increasingly realising and accepting that I can be happy - but where - and with whom - bufff- no idea - but deliciously also feel it could be anywhere!!!!!

OK -  to be happy is the most important thing - where/with whom  etc comes later - Wow being clear  on what actually makes me happy - must be my priority.

My boys are right!!!!! I have become an 'Old hippy!' (with nomadic tendencies) - you know what - it's great fun!!!!!!

Feeling tired in Paris....

.... which is a great place to feel tired in!!! Work has been full on and really hard this week - but the joy of my job is the wonderful people I am privileged to work with - sat listening to three of them arguing/discussing their next steps as I write this....

I know I am tired because I have had to really, really focus on staying positive for several weeks now - and that's not always been easy - but I've done my best!

How lucky I am to be me.........

My Mother and positive thinking................

Peaceful Sunday - after a bit of boozy night last night -  was out with Gilly and Fiona - we drank lots of wine and talked and it was lovely!! And today after a lazy morning, I went over to my Mum's and we went for a walk around Shakerley Mere.

It is one of her old favourites - though I don't think she has done for a while, definitely not since my Dad died. It is a mile walk, on the flat, around a lovely little mere. Which in this extraordinary weather, we are having, was just breath-takingly beautiful and the pleasure of walking it with my Mum was intense. She and I just treasured and savoured every tree bursting with green shoots and/or blossom, listened and watched the birds singing, the colours, especially the greens!, the sunshine..... it was just so good to be with her - as we ENJOYED IT SO MUCH. It was special. We talked about last year, my Dad dying and her positive attitude to life, we talked a bit about my life but she gets a bit muddled about who's who and where I've been/am going - so we just agree that I am very lucky and have a fantastic job!!!

Then we went back to her new home - and it is lovely to see her happy and comfortable there - and she is also eating - really, really well. She is happy, content and very grateful for everything in her life - which is perfect. We were sitting outside, having a cup of tea, when she said an interesting thing - which I have been thinking about since. She was reflecting on her lifetime and the global changes that have occurred for her generation - in particular the speed of change and the movement of people around the world - which she thought was wonderful - 'full of wonder' but she also felt she could cope with it - though she didn't think her parents generation could have done!!! So she was reflecting, very positively on the world and its people, when she commented 'But not everyone understands yet - there are even sometimes murders....'

This struck me strongly then and I have been thinking about it since - and what I think is that her mindset is so positive - that even though she watches the news everyday and reads the newspaper regularly she had to remind herself that there are negative people (murderers) in the world..... I have been thinking about this since she said it... and loving it - it's like she's living her life accepting all these massive changes and just focusing on being so positive that she even struggles to recognise the negativity.... wonderful I want to live my life like this tooo!!!!!!!!!!!