I have now been here in Croatia for over a month and it has been a rather strange time for me. I have actually not done very much, or seen many people but this has also felt very right. I have kept myself busy by doing very little and I have spent quite a bit of time in reflection. On New Year's Eve I set the intention to take my time but I don't think I had really thought through what that would feel like - because in the past, I have not had the inclination, or oftentimes the possibility, of being able to take my time.
So that is what I have done, taken my time. I am laughing at myself as I write this because I am still uncertain what taking my time means!! I have been writing - which I have found quite difficult but also sometimes rather beautiful. It is my autobiography, my learning up-to-date and it has felt good to spend time thinking about my life, as a child and as a young woman - sometimes looking at her from the perspective of others, but mainly thinking about her from this distance. I don't know if anyone will ever read it but it has felt important for me to do, I'm nowhere near finished but today I completed 60 pages and that felt good.
It takes longer and it is really quite complicated to do basic things in a foreign country, for example finding a parking space when you cannot read any of the road signs, or buying bread flour instead of self raising and I have enjoyed those aspects of learning. I have also been dancing twice now and that has been important. The first time I went, I couldn't find the venue but the next time I gave myself loads of time and got there eventually! I have enjoyed my dances and the group dance deep which is nice.
My mother has been unwell which I have found quite painful. I knew when I chose to leave England that the hardest part would be leaving my mother. I write to her every couple of days and phone occasionally and I know she really appreciates my letters which is a comfort. Her memory has got worse and she cannot remember things which happened moments ago, so the letters are good as I know she re-reads them. When she was poorly my older sisters were going every other day to visit her and I struggled with feelings of guilt. She is really very forgetful and it is uncertain how long she can stay living semi-independently and I have to come to terms with that.
So I am still in transition, still uncertain what I will be doing in the future, taking my time and adjusting to living in a new country, not living in my own house, not working at the University but happy!!
So that is what I have done, taken my time. I am laughing at myself as I write this because I am still uncertain what taking my time means!! I have been writing - which I have found quite difficult but also sometimes rather beautiful. It is my autobiography, my learning up-to-date and it has felt good to spend time thinking about my life, as a child and as a young woman - sometimes looking at her from the perspective of others, but mainly thinking about her from this distance. I don't know if anyone will ever read it but it has felt important for me to do, I'm nowhere near finished but today I completed 60 pages and that felt good.
It takes longer and it is really quite complicated to do basic things in a foreign country, for example finding a parking space when you cannot read any of the road signs, or buying bread flour instead of self raising and I have enjoyed those aspects of learning. I have also been dancing twice now and that has been important. The first time I went, I couldn't find the venue but the next time I gave myself loads of time and got there eventually! I have enjoyed my dances and the group dance deep which is nice.
My mother has been unwell which I have found quite painful. I knew when I chose to leave England that the hardest part would be leaving my mother. I write to her every couple of days and phone occasionally and I know she really appreciates my letters which is a comfort. Her memory has got worse and she cannot remember things which happened moments ago, so the letters are good as I know she re-reads them. When she was poorly my older sisters were going every other day to visit her and I struggled with feelings of guilt. She is really very forgetful and it is uncertain how long she can stay living semi-independently and I have to come to terms with that.
So I am still in transition, still uncertain what I will be doing in the future, taking my time and adjusting to living in a new country, not living in my own house, not working at the University but happy!!
