The mystery continues........

I have just read my blogg  from Friday and was surprised how upbeat I felt! This week has just felt so hard.  The sense of transition is just getting so strong.

And I suppose there are two sides to a transition, the leaving and the beginning. At the moment I am deeply immersed in the process of leaving and I haven't yet fully started the beginning. Though I am making plans for 2015, Australia and India, dancing in Spain in September……

But after that I'm not sure what I will be doing, where I will be going…… or why - questioning my purpose I suppose.

I am excited about the new beginning, though there seems an awful lot of things to do before I get there.

I think I need to recognise that these are big things that are happening to me. I will be leaving the city where I have lived for 40 years and I will choose to make myself homeless. I think this is at the heart of my uncertainty, I will leave my flat and take up temporary residence somewhere else around the world.… and I will have no fixed address, no home. This is going to be a really big step for me…… and I will be doing it on my own.......

But how exciting, half of me is just so excited, this time next year I will be packing up all my belongings and putting a few in storage somewhere, quite where I haven't work out yet, then with a suitcase I will be off!!!

How lucky am I to be in this position? Extra ordinarily lucky!! I love writing my blogg, I woke up this morning feeling a bit miserable and now I feel excited and happy……

I am so ready for this, but like every new adventure sometimes taking the first steps are always the most difficult.

Friday night in Brussels

It's been a long day!

I am feeling really proud of myself, because, and it seemed quite a stupid little thing now, but as a claustrophobic -  I never thought I would be able to travel on the Eurostar. It almost does feel like a ridiculous fear, now I am the other side of it, but  - it was a really big thing for me - and yes I am so proud of myself that I did it!

It's funny, probably because I was worried, but lots of little things happened today - my taxi was late, my first train was cancelled, unexpected crowds in London - none of them stop me travelling - but all of them added to my journey I suppose, my learning -  all good stuff!!

So it is Friday night and I am in Brussels -  really enjoyed the keynote speaker at the conference tonight and the conversations  afterwards.

I am in a very strange place in my life at the moment,  a real point of transition -  moving on, moving on, moving on.......

I am also very happy to be at this point,  but I am also very aware  that I do not know where I am moving on to  - my heart  just loves it, and it's really singing.......  but my head is not totally convinced!!! This sound so familiar.

 So in Brussels,  happy to be here,  especially connecting with SiS  folk, strong feelings about the excitement growing, but also knowing that-  it's all a mystery!!!!

Sunny Sunday morning

I'm in Liverpool, but not for long as I am going over to my Mum's for a while and then on  to Oxford for a conference.

Last week felt very "full on". It's not just about being busy, it's also about the future. I have been very conscious that this time next year I will be in the final stages of planning to leave Liverpool. I get a lump in my throat when I think about this. I have lived here, with the exception of three years in Edinburgh, all my life since I was 18.

It's been eight years since Chris died and I have been on my own. My three sons are now grown men and live in three different countries and it does feel very right  that I leave Liverpool. Although as I write this I am aware of what a big step it will be.

There's also other things involved, particularly my mother. She is still very fit and healthy for a  94 year-old and I see her very regularly, but from next year there will be  long periods when I won't see her. Talking over the phone is okay but it's not the same as being with somebody.

I danced on Monday with a very strong sense of sadness and I think that was around the two things, leaving Liverpool and my mother's eventual death. I think it's all right to have feelings of sadness, it's a kind of preparation things which will come.

I also had a very exciting week, lots of work but also lots of dreaming/imagining the future and what it could look like, also some of the things that I will do! 

 I do feel that I'm doing this on my own and then I realise that I'm doing it with wonderful people all around me, but then of course I realise that I'm  actually doing  it on my own! But that's what it's all about - living our own individual lives, and at the same time connecting to others.

I love the way that the Universe aligns things. Things happening in unexpected sequences, which on reflection were perfectly ordered. This last week has  full of that kind of serendipity/coincidence - the Universe opening doors for me -  thing I have to do now is just to go through them!!!

Off to see my Mum and Jenny, then off to meet completely new group of people and see what comes out of that………

And it is such a beautiful day……… 

Thank you Universe……

the HUGE things are actually not so big - it's the little things we can change that make the difference

........am back in Brussels again - and have just had an extraordinary night of learning - buff - it does feel like something extra-ordinary happened tonight - so will be difficult to describe and put into words- but I'll have a go!

OK  - it's about 'knowledge' - what it is - and who has it - and where!

OK I am in Brussels - why I am in Brussels is irrelevant - but probably not so -  I am here for a Roma conference  - hosted by the European Commission and the Council of Europe - and on one level good people doing good stuff - but tonight it feels bigger than that!

This will be the difficult bit to explain - tonight I saw very clearly that the next step for humanity is about where the 'knowledge' is 'held' globally......

......which of course is actually individually.....

......tonight I saw the 'knowledge' being held by those who are perceived by most of us (the others) as the ones who are the 'problem'.

I saw this knowledge not only true and powerful but also the future......

I also saw that how most of us look at all of this upside down - we see problems/issues etc but actually we miss the solutions that those who are living these lives can give us.......

They - those from these communities (and of course children ) - also don't see their own amazing knowledge because they live in our shared society - with all that goes along with that - so are 'educated' and live real lives as the ones who are marginalised, abused, discriminated against... and some as fighters  against all of that - But living hard lives - but actually living lives which give them the 'knowledge' that the  'others' need. How many consciously live with this knowledge I don't know - I live an amazing life and have connected with many - but think this is a unrepresentative sample! - but the awareness/awakedness is there in still quite a small percent - but then all conversation starts at a different level!

So back to the bigger picture - we are all actually 'us' and the 'other' and  we need to look inside ourselves for the answers to everything....

So nothing new - all so obvious then! But tonight I do see so very clearly that the transformation required for 'us' is to look to those that we see as the 'problem' and to recognise that they  actually have the knowledge for our shared solution.

Not certain I explained it as clearly as I saw it - but this stuff is all about the paradigm shift - the change we need/ are making in our  thinking - I know I need to be able to explain more clearly something so fundamental - but  maybe I am being presumptions....

But hey hey - this is my blogg and my learning - and wow - it feels enormous!!!!!!!!!!