Estonia tomorrow....

It's the night before I go to Estonia for a week - and also before a really big conference for me..... so many things coming together - it all feels a bit overwhelming tonight. Really busy day, lots of sorting and logistics - including  a Lufthansa strike on Monday......

a week later ..... just got back from Estonia - never published this because I fell asleep - was going to write my blgg tonght - but after a week in Estonia - amazing,  fantastic, great week -  am exhausted - so will put my feet up tonight!

Back - and feeling loved.....

I am often surprised by what I write as a title for a blogg - tonight  I know I'm feeling happy - but I didn't know that I was feeling loved - but hey that's a great feeling!

So am home - struggling to wake up in the mornings as the time difference makes itself felt, but feeling good - busy at work -  but also feeling very appreciative for the wonderful people I work with - some here in Liverpool - many across the world - I just love their commitment and energy. We want to change the world - that's a good starting point - even if the path is not always clear!

Decisions I made in Colombia - have now been put in action - have talked to all my 3 boys - and some colleagues and friends - and I'm now being public with the decision I made in Bogota.  I will retire from the University in 2015 and leave Liverpool - starting with a year in Medellin, Colombia - followed by who knows what!

Have loved the reactions that my decision has created - everyone thinks this is a wonderful idea!!!! Now that has come as a real surprise - but why I'm not sure. My life has been changing so much over the last few years - my comfort blankets have all gone - my lovely Chris - no longer here, my beautiful boys grown up and living their own lives - my life full of my work - my passion - plus a growing desire to do more sound healing work. So when SiS Catalyst finishes - I need to move on - my personal learning journey will continue - but in a different place - Colombia - am so excited!!!!

I love it when I feel so clear about a decision. I am going to leave Liverpool, leave this flat, send my last few family possessions to Rob in Croatia, have another round of giving stuff away - and then down to a suitcase - I will be off. I will have some kind of link with a university and my old work, I will write a book, become fluent in Spanish, explore South America, host visits by friends and family - and move into the next stage of my life - with whatever that brings!!!!!!

It is two years off - but I will tell my Mum that I plan to go to Colombia when I retire. I wont tell her that it will be for at least a year, but suggest a few months. This decision will mean I wouldn't see her - if she is still here - as she is 93 next Friday - but I will find a phone deal which means I can talk to her as often as I do now - it will mean that I wont be physically in her life - and that does have a sadness to it.....

We live in an extraordinary world of connectivity - but how much we connect is a choice we make.... I am also aware that I choose to keep in touch with some people - and treasure close to my heart those that make the effort to stay close to me......

So tonight I feel loved - because I am - how wonderful is that - I also feel alone - because I am - but that's OK too.... and grateful for the joy of being alive.......
 

My life is changing

I am still in Colombia - now in Medellin - and it feels extra-ordinarily normal. Which in itself is weird!!!

I am staying at Ana's - and her wonderful family - close friends now for several years, have spent the day working - sometimes with AB and Ana on our presentation for Tartu,  sometimes with colleagues in several countries via Skype and email..... my life. How did this happen? I am constantly amazed at where I am - what I am doing and the normality of it all.......

My time in Bogota was special - I was on my own for those few days and it gave me a time to think, reflect and unexpectedly make decisions about my future.... my life is changing and it was good for me to recognise this and to be clear in my thinking - love it  - as the clarity is giving me more uncertainty - but also really taking me into another world. But of course the connectivity of this world is the basis of this new world.

On Tuesday there was a workshop by an amazing group of people - all of whom are survivors of the violence of recent years Colombia, some of their stories were harrowing in the extreme..... I didn't understand all the details as it was entirely in Spanish but I understood enough, and felt enough, to be deeply moved  by their stories. They now dedicate their lives to telling their stories, particularly to children and young people at risk. It was truly extraordinary. They were truly extraordinary..... their humanity awesome....  beautiful and breathtaking. I am at a bit of a loss for words as it was so special - to witness their stories and to connect with them..... they have changed my life......

As we all do - changing each others lives by being present in each others lives.

So it is still early here - but we had a late night last night and will have a very early morning tomorrow - the big day of our visit! So sleep calls me.

My life is changing -  and I am conscious of that - pretty amazing stuff this living business!!!!!