Well today was horrible.

Yesterday was too good – back home and happy to be so – bad night of sleeping – then into work with a vengeance! My first real meeting – I made the assumption that people would know – and was faced with ‘Why haven’t you done this?’ To which I had to reply – because I haven’t been in work for a couple of months – to be met with ‘Why?’ in a public place – it was so hard – I had to give reasons – with half the people cringing knowing why and others looking for an explanation – it was horrible – but I suppose it was an important first – I struggled – and will probably continue to do so – anyway on top of a bad nights sleep and jet lag – it was grim.

But I did it and though I feel like shit tonight – work wise I hit the wall of nearly walking out – but I didn’t and I talked the talk and did my stuff – so that’s good.

It was then compounded by going to the bank to pay in some cheques in Chris’s name with a friendly bank teller – saying – ‘Hi haven’t seen you for ages’ – despite the fact I handed him the Probate form – so in front of loads of students etc – he‘s saying ‘How are you?' I just wanted to run – but again I didn’t – so that’s another good thing – though I so understand people who do – anyway he said ‘ You look well – all things considering.’ My mind is boggled – I don’t know which side I’m on – his being up front - being positive to my face – or other people running away from me!

Anyway having talked to my three sons – all differently – about how difficult I found today – and that’s how lucky I am. Trying my best to think positively tonight – yes I am lucky – yes I’m not doing this on my own – but yes – it is very hard.

Anyway I will now email my friend Rene and Renata is on Skype – I’m not going to let a bad day get me down.