Today Rob and I went and gave blood – thinking it would be really quiet – but apparently it was the busiest day in their year – not sure why – but it is always a satisfying thing to do.

Then some food shopping for Mums followed by making mega mushroom soup as Gilly and her sister Clare the veggie are around for tea tonight - which will be nice. Clare and I share a birthday and I have always felt close to her.

I’ve decided what I am doing for New Year – having Aziz and Jamal and being at home with a neurotic dog – fireworks always get him going! We will then play it by ear but I am hoping sons and friends drop in during the evening – I’ll make some soup.

Am feeling lonely at the moment despite the best efforts of sons and friends but although sad am not unhappy – I used to meet Stella after Martin’s death and she would say – ‘We are sad but not unhappy’ didn’t quite know what she meant – but I do now.

Thinking a lot about Chris at the moment – I suppose it is because I am off work and have more time to think but I suppose the time of year is also a big factor. Still feeling generally OK, not really worried about Christmas - though have recognised the fact that this will be first Christmas for over 30 years that I haven’t spent with Chris. Am glad I am going home to Mum and Dad’s – because in all my life I have either spent Christmas with Chris and/or my parents. So how lucky is that!