blogging on a train.....

Travelling across the North of Finland by train - passing through the forests, fields and occasional towns - many evergreens but overall a patchwork of oranges, yellows and shades of greens as the autumn colours shine - they are ahead of us up here, though I noticed chestnut trees turning when I was out with my Mum a couple of weeks ago - so when I get back I am sure the park and trees will have well started to change. Autumn..... There are many, many lakes here - small and large and at the moment the sky is bright blue with some white feathers of clouds. The sky seems to change very quickly. Finland is very beautiful and showing off to me as I travel through her splendour! Yesterday we went to an island and I loved the sea and the endless horizon. We do live in such a truly beautiful earth. I have seen several flocks of swans and yesterday big groups of grey cranes - huge birds - special to see............ Today I will meet old friends and I am very happy to be travelling - train journeys are much more restful that planes, especially with views like I am experiencing............. I am also aware that this is the first anniversary week of my Father's death and the sixth of Chris's.... that feels quite emotional, but also OK. Both of those lovely men loved me - and how special and joyous to know that - and I do know it deep, deep in my heart. I also know that I was given such a huge gift to be born to a man who loved me - I smile as I feel his love around me..... and then to have the second gift of being loved by a truly wonderful man for so many years - again I can feel Chris's love deep in my heart - but I don't actually feel as close to him now.... maybe it's the passage of time - or maybe he is busy - I laugh as I write this - but in some ways I love to think of him being busy - he was a truly huge man - a huge hearted, powerful, beautiful man - who loved and treasured the small things in life..... my blessing is to have these two men in my life. So here I am surrounded by people chatting companiably to each other in the extraodinary sing-song Finnish language. I'm probably the only Brit on the train - listening to music, Sigur Ros, admiring the shining world I am travelling through and giving thanks.... Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you for giving me so many blessings - how lucky am I???????

in Finland

Have been on the road for over a week - a rich mixture of work and pleasure - but I am so lucky - my work is a pleasure!

Now in Oulu in northern Finland - and the autumnal colours have arrived here already. I haven't seen much so far - but tomorrow we will be going on a sightseeing tour - so that's special.

Last weekend I did my first part of the Sound Healers course I have enrolled on - it was a huge experience in many ways and at many levels - I haven't really started to process it all yet. It shook me up but it also felt  wonderfully right for me. I have three more weekends to go - and that's exciting. Singing in Georgia has started a huge ball rolling!!!

September?????

Am still struggling a bit - and cross with myself because I am - as I feel I have no right to feel down! Have just been talking to Gilly - who wonderfully said - it's OK - it's September!

It took me a bit to understand - but yes it's September - 6 years ago my life changed totally as Chris died in September 2006 - how did that happen - SIX YEARS - and a year ago my Dad died - so yes September is a significant month for me - but I've never really thought about it like that - last Sunday - September the 2nd - was my Dad's birthday - which was poignant - for my Mum - and maybe me as well - and as Gilly pointed out - Jim has now left Liverpool - and I might also have a bit of a twinge of empty nest syndrome - and it's also often hard to do what I do - whatever that is!

Ok - I will accept some of this - but not all of it!

Thinking about it - I now don't have anyone to tell how I am really feeling  - except maybe Gilly and you my blogg readers.  Looking back the bit I miss  most - is having someone to tell my feelings too - as I would have told Chris how I felt - though actually I probably would not have told him - he would have told me - "What's up with you - you seem a bit miserable!!!!"

Ok - so at the moment I am a bit miserable - that's honest with myself - I feel quite lonely and on my own at the moment - I also feel better already - having written that!

Not certain why - maybe it is because it's September - though I am not convinced - but as I write a whole surge of  'How lucky am I' has just hit me - How lucky am I? to have had a person in my life that I was so close to - for over 30 years - that I didn't even need to tell that I was feeling a bit down - who just knew! Bufffff - I was just so blessed to have had that lovely man in my life for all those years. Maybe that's what I am feeling tonight - another level of loss - and if that's what I feel - that's good - I think it is important to FEEL.

So maybe I am just FEELING September - and maybe that's just a great place to be - even thought it is a bit raw - a bit painful - but I am alive and living a wonderful life - so now I must just be grateful, appreciate and be happy..... lucky, lucky me....

Being on my own.....

I have had a wonderful summer of being with people - Jimmy and Rachel here in my flat, being with people in Georgia and Spirithorse... but tonight I feel on my own....

I thought I would miss Jim - I was talking about it today with my Mum - as we walked companionably around Shakley Mere - a beautiful walk in the sunshine - both of us counting our blessings and being together - a truly lovely afternoon - we then went to Booths supermarket and Mum enjoyed me food shopping - both of us taking pleasure in the small things... Usually I would have had Jim for a meal - breakfast or tea - at least once in a week - and my shopping seemed very singular on this occasion.

But maybe I feel like this because this time last week I was in the Pennant Valley - immersed in the Spirithorse community - nurtured and enriched by just being there - surrounded by many beautiful people that I am honoured to call my friends - another family - richness indeed.

So I hesitate to even recognise that I feel on my own - but at the same time I think I should. I am so amazingly blessed - absolutely no question about that - bufffff - I have been given so much - my life is so rich and varied - that to even feel on my own seems like an indulgence! I think the more you are given - the more appreciative and grateful you should be - and I have been given so much - it is not easy to be uneasy with it all.

I have just looked back at this blogg - and it sounds a bit of a moan! However tonight I do feel a bit restless - but I think that's OK - there is so much change going on in the world at the moment - that I think I should just recognise that the opportunity to stop  - and to become closer with myself is actually a huge gift!

Home and happy...

...after a truly beautiful few days in the Valley - so I have just spent time with my Spirithorse family - wild, wonderful and deep days and nights.

I was thinking about the woman who went there for the first time three years ago - and I can see much of my growth has been triggered by events involving Spirithorse. The journies to India and Georgia included -  but just being in the Valley nourishes and feeds me - it also challenges me - making me peel back more and more layers of the onion skin within. Holding my heart gently as I take steps into the unknown.

Not always easy - but these last few days have been rich with a joyful certainty. So I have come back feeling very full, warm and profoundly happy - deep inside of me - glowing with happiness. Sometimes being there can be a bit over-whelming and although I can see/feel the shifts and changes - they are settling into place gently.

I had made it my intention to explore how my conscious mind could work with my intuition - and although I need to do more work on this - I just loved the clarity that I felt, as things unfolded for me, realisations that resonated with both my heart and my mind. 

So back home to a Jimmy less Liverpool, memories of the very special party that marked his departure last weekend. Four generations of our family and many dear friends filling this little flat with laughter and best wishes. A big step for him being marked and celebrated with love, wonderful.

I am just so blessed to be living this rich abundance of a life!

I've been singing!!!!!

.....now that was unexpected!!!!

Well - when I got the invite to sing with a choir for 2 weeks in Georgia - I knew I had to do it - but I really didn't know about the singing - I thought I couldn't sing - I hadn't sung since I was at secondary school and I also believed that I couldn't sing in tune - BUT I CAN AND I DID!!!!!!

It was fantastic - on so many levels - just being in Georgia with easy, lovely people -  having a purpose - to learn songs in Georgian - to travel in a most amazingly beautiful country - laughing in a minibus as it rocked and swayed over high mountains on un-tarmacked roads, avoiding cows as they stood stubbornly on the busier roads, clambering out to see monasteries with centuries old frescoes, staying in real people's houses and  eating huge feasts of amazing food..... tasting and toasting with wines  made in traditional ways, rich with the sun and full of life and....... singing, singing, singing - WHAT A JOY!!!!!!!

OK - so I had a good holiday!!! The warmth and recollection of it is still very close to my heart - making me smile right down to my toes!!!!!!!

I got back last Saturday after travelling through Friday night  - in time for Nita's 50th Birthday - which was a wonderful and happy pub party - with singing - Karaoke - I didn't push my newly found skill though - clear in the understanding that sacred Georgian chanting is not really going to go down well in a Liverpool city pub at 1 in the morning!!

The beautiful connection to the Georgian singing - of course - was Chris- I knew he liked Georgian chanting/singing - but to be honest I don't think I knew what that meant - he listened to it - but he didn't play it to the family - so although I knew it was music close to his heart - I didn't really know what it was - and then I find myself - singing this beautiful music with the backdrop of snow covered mountains - higher than the Alps - in the company of singers who understood the sacredness - not from a knowledge of the words - but from a shared recognition of the beauty of the music - the purity - audible in the harmony of joyful voices -singing together. That's what it was - joyful - the joy of opening your mouth (heart) with others - bufff - I think anyone can sing!

So now I am home - I am still amazed at myself - Chris died nearly 6 years ago - and I am now so very different - in so many ways - I call myself a dancer - and now I can say I am a singer - a singer of Georgian songs - wow, wow, wow!!!!!

I think the very clear message here is that we are ALL singers and dancers - if we let ourselves be............

Am home alone tonight as Jim and Rachel have gone to London today - Jim leaves Liverpool for Leiden on the 22nd  of August - a big step for him....

And I am me - happy to be home - just had a lovely chat with my Mum - reflecting on her legacy - visible in her children and grandchildren.....  busy at work, reporting on SiS Catalyst... things you have to do... grateful for the opportunities it is giving me  - and now it is time for my tea - Jim's spaghetti bolognaise  - how blessed am I??????

Blogging.....

I haven't been blogging much recently - a combination of being away, internet connections and I just seem to have been so busy.... not complaining - I am living an amazing life - someone sent me a text today which said: 'Your life style is so bright and fulfilling. Great stuff. One exciting life. Enjoy! xxx' And it is true I am living a bright and fulfilling life - consciously - because I do feel very aware of how blessed I am - I could use the word lucky but I don't think it is luck - it feels much more like a 'blessing' - a smiling of the Universe on me. I have been thinking a lot about this - How much of this have I made myself and how much have I been given?

I am obviously very fortunate to have been born ME - to fall into my Father's hands - literally - to have been the third sister of four - in such a close and loving family - to have been with one beautiful man for over 30 years - to have three truly amazing sons - to have the job that I have - and to have a clarity of mission - I live my life with a real sense of purpose..... I am trying to change the world - of course! And I do know we must work together to do this - so how can I feel anything other than absolutely and amazingly blessed!

I also don't feel alone -which is quite a new feeling and so important  - I am now connected to many people who understand - and their numbers grow all the time - how cool is that! When I am with them - I don't need to explain that it's OK to be happy, life is such a gift - every awe inspiring breath that we make - is just that - a gift..... and they understand because they are living their life in the same way - and it's just joyous.......

Does than mean that there are never hard moments - No - only this week I went down......... for a short period of time .... but I went to that place..... the: What's the point and purpose of anything place... but it was OK - I went there - I recognised it - but I didn't take it on board... and by doing that I was able to come back up to the surface - as that's what it felt like - coming up from deep water to the surface - swimming up - catching my breath and feeling that joy of breathing - seeing the world anew...... the point where the air and the water meet being the point of duality.

I had a lovely conversation at my Mum's today with Evie and Michael - where we recognised that if you think positively then what you get is positive - and looking at my Mum glowing from a cruise holiday in Norway - she visibly proved the point!

So my bright and fulfilled life continues - Jimmy and Rachel staying at mine til Jim moves to Leiden next month - the poignant joy of his graduation this week - bufffff - it was a beautiful and rich day - I felt and recognised Chris so strongly all the way through - of course - Jim is our child....

Then this week - lots of stuff to do at work - then on Thursday I go to Vienna for meetings - followed by a fortnight singing in Georgia - extraordinary - I have never sung since at school. Chris loved Georgian singing - and next week I am going to be singing and performing with a choir - our teachers will be Georgian, from that amazing culture of music - and we will be staying with families - wow, wow, wow... where did this one come from....... was it luck that I got a phone call a few months ago asking me to go - or a connection - I don't think that matters - I think what is important is that I said YES - instantly - living my life on the basis that if the door is opened - GO THROUGH IT - you don't get a second chance....

I do live a bright and fulfilled life - and I am just so thankful for it - but is it luck or responding positively to what we are offered?

Bufffffff - didn't expect that?

So it is late - 2ish in the morning - after such a very special day - the graduation of Jimmy!!!!! This was always going to be wonderful - and it truly was - also very emotional for me - waves of Chris moments - he would have just been so proud... Then the unexpected ....an evening of just beautiful connections. Lots of stuff here - just feeling warm inside - with that recognition...........

on the islands......

..... and it has been a most memorable few days.... Four of us - women from around the world - three sisters and a daughter - truly joyous! We have talked, swam in the warm blue, blue sea, eaten seafood, talked, slept, eaten fresh peaches, talked, swam in the sea and talked....... and then swam again in the blue, blue warm sea.... and then continued talking.... telling stories - sharing our griefs, sharing our memories, sharing our dreams.... I have had many Chris moments which has surprised me - but I have also recognised their beauty and poignancy..... he loved these islands - and now our son lives only a few short hours drive from them - we go to his tomorrow for his house warming party - how did that happen?????? So I am sun kissed and nurtured by the food and the beauty of this wonderous place and my soul is nourished by the warmth, strength and insight of my special companions. I am just so amazingly blessed..... and my Mum goes on holiday today to Norway!!!

Zagreb........

Am just beginning to stop whirling - after what has been one of the most intense few days on top of what seems like weeks of running to catch up with myself!!!! I came to Zagreb seeking clarity - and can see that I am beginning to find it - I can also see it growing in the wonderful SiS Catalyst family - as we make our journey of learning together. Capturing learning is what we have been trying to do here - because we cannot share our learning unless we clearly see it ourselves. Our aim is to mobilise our mutual/shared learning - and to do this we must find ways to take the individually owned and understood 'Aha' moment of clarity and to enable this to go global! 10 million hits minimum! OK so if the destination has become clearer - the path to the destination is still obscure - but to know where we are going is a very, very important first step - hurray!!!!!! We are getting there!!!!!!!!

Bursting with love.....

and pride and recognition for my amazing son Jimmy.

Buffff!!!!  Jim is away with Rachel - tonight staying at his brother Rob's in Varazdin - they have all been in Grenoble with Alex and Lara - and tomorrow Jim, Rachel and Rob go to Bosnia - another story..... but tonight I got home to open a letter which was just so amazingly wonderful.....

My little Jimmy, my youngest son, the amazing rock of our whole family...... the youngest grandchild, the child who came so late to reading, who was then diagnosed with dyspraxia, the young boy who was there alone at 16 when his father died, who was there for me, through those hard days, who ended up studying physics and maths... and struggled .... but who despite everything - just got on with it......

... this wonderful young man, my beautiful Jimmy has been awarded a FIRST in his History degree!!!!!  What an amazing journey.

I have had such a huge night - phoning Jimmy in Croatia and telling him - he had looked on line and though he had a good 2:1....... and was very happy with that! Telling my Mum - her joy in phoning my sisters - and though not being quite clear of the differentiation - just loving their reaction (they knew!) - and reflecting with me - and getting it so right - Jimmy got this because he chose - despite everything - to work hard/stay focused - when it would have been so easy for him to have every reason not to - he also did it with humility and passion for his chosen subject area - the Civil Rights Movement and the impact of protest songs.

Tonight I also texted Jim - to tell him how proud his father would have been of him.

OK - another first night for me.... to recognise my beautiful youngest son - the child of Chris and I ......  and I think this is why I feel so emotional tonight because this is not just Jim's well earned achievement - but also a night for me to recognise the beautiful legacy of Chris and my love for each other - our wonderful sons.........

Accelerated time......

... have been aware that I haven't blogged for a while.... time seems to be just racing by.... doing my best to cherish every moment and to be present all the time - but my life seems to be almost a blurr at the moment - but I think so many of us are feeling this.

Have just had a glorious weekend dancing with Andrew Holmes - 'Soul Food' - two beautiful days of nourishing and recognising my soul. Truly gorgeous - not always easy - because to really dance deep - is to dance with an honesty and truthfulness to yourself...... and it does require a real awareness of self.

To those that don't dance this  might sound strange - but 5 Rhythm dancing is a 'practice'  - it requires you to dance without self judgement, to dance with an open heart, to go without fear where the dance takes you and to just 'be' in yourself.

I truly love it - and Andrew is an amazing teacher, who takes us on a journey, together - but on our own.

I think so often about journeys... learning journeys..... individual journeys and the journeys we make together - in families, in organisations, cities, countries, globally - our individual journey weaving it's way in and out of the journeys of others. Sometimes these journeys come together for brief seconds, sometimes like my parents - journeying together for 66 years.

The journey which 23 of us danced this weekend - was exactly that - our own individual dance - but through the dance - we came together - to share a moment of joy -  to witness grief, beauty, truth, to learn from each other, to be irritated by each other, to see ourselves reflected in the dance of our companions - but fundamentally to dance our own journey.

As a group of dancers we sought to individually dance the embodiment of our souls and I have felt the legacy of that process all day. Seeing reflections of the lesson of dance within my world of day to dayness and work. Wonderful.... and then because it was Monday I went back tonight to dance in our regular group......................bufffff! How blessed am I to have dance in my life - I love it, love it, love it!!!!!!!

uncertainty......

.................. with my future .... and with everything... buffff!!!!!

It's Sunday night - the weather today (and for several days)  has been extraordinarily beautiful - sunny - but more than sunny - amazingly/heart warmingly sunny!!!

I had a very lazy morning and then sorted out some storage boxes for Jim (for him to move into my tiny flat)  - he goes to Spain on Tuesday - we will overlap a bit - but from this summer he will leave Liverpool - still waiting confirmation where - but today I did feel a big feeling of transition.......... I love his going but recognise that I will really miss his presence - he has been so very close to me over the last few months/years.

After moving stuff - Jim and I went to the pub and talked over beer and a following meal - it was lovely. Unexpectedly I felt quite emotional - it was all un-planned - but that was good. We sorted out practical stuff - he will be here at mine - when I am not..... probably with Rachel most of the time - so keys etc are sorted.

So I am feeling lighter............ recognising another gossamer thread connection to my old life is  moving on....

But also wondering where my life will take me? But loving the fact it could be anywhere!!!!!!!!!

Wildness and wonderfulness!!

I have no idea why I called the blogg this - just opened the page and it's what I wrote - love it! Now I have to see what the wildness and wonderfulness means!

Have actually had a very quiet evening - I worked late - lots to do at the moment - but I am also so happy to be really beautifully clear - just getting on with it- which after the last few months - feels really focused and good.... Then I went to Liverpool1 to buy my Mum's birthday present for Jim - as we go over to see her on Saturday - and then he's away - and there is absolutely no way my Mum would have been able to buy an ' ipod world travel adaptor kit' on her own!

Then tonight I have been sorting out music on my phone - as it had got a bit muddled - and I like to play music in the car and at work via my phone (still sorting actually whilst blogging) - I love the music on my itunes - over 40 days - unbelievable but beautiful - and a real organic mixture of Chris, Jim, Rob - and my choices plus friends just lovely..... keep moving from this blogg - to save tracks - choosing ones that resonate with me.

Last weekend was lovely - Steph was over from Belfast and we had such a good time - and then on Sunday we cooked a birthday dinner for Jim - there was 8 of us - 4 young ones - 4 not quite so young - but together we ate special food, talked and laughed a lot, drank wine/beer and were just joyous - how blessed am I to have such wonderfulness in my life!!!

OK - so that was the wonderfulness - what was the wildness? Well I think that must be........

......I meet and connect with people - and I know that I am very open to these connections - and when they happen I just go with them - and I go where ever they take me.......

I feel very right and beautifully blessed to do this - but I also know that some my friends worry for me! But I also know that fear petrifies - so to live without fear - which is what I do - is the only way!

Last night I was with one of my 'daughters' and we just went.......... some ways challenging each other - many ways supporting each other - but just seeing each other - and then just going to where that took us. We went back in our histories and also  to and fro in our futures - but we did it all by just being in our present!!!!!

But we also had a ball!! And ate fine steaks - that I cooked - and did the washing! I just love these beautiful connections - day to day - seemingly ordinary - but spirituality extraordinary.

Way to go....... Life is so beautiful.


.

Deliciously tired....

... an tonight I do feel wonderfully weary.

Worked hard for the last few days for a deadline - another funding proposal which went off this afternoon - and I loved it. Don't know if the bid will be successful - but just loved the thinking and where the process of writing it took me/us.

The bid is called ' Dream Our World' and it is for funding for a global conference of young people - working with them in such a way as to enable them to identify what an ideal education environment should be - for them....

The most powerful thing about Bucharest for me was the meeting of minds of the young people - and the one thing that they totally agreed on - absolutely unanimously - from around the world - was that their education/their schooling is profoundly boring.......................

I was talking about this to Jim over the weekend - and it was so true of my childhood - and I think of his - children go to school to be taught - not to learn - but to be taught. And what we were taught was/is - How to be an adult - How to conform - How to obey the madness which are the self imposed rules of our society..... absolutely bonkers!!!!!!!!

So I love the thinking which enables me to go back into my childhood and to start to think through what I've been taught - and then to reflect on what I actually needed to know!!!

Having my Mother in my life is also really important to me as I think through this stuff - reflecting with her and through her - what she has learnt over and through her rich and long life - the two ends of the spectrum - I suppose - what is it that young people want/need to learn? - and what is it that elders understand through their own life's experience of learning  (and actually how much of that was taught?)

Closer to home have spend a lot of tonight talking on the phone - lovely deep conversations - learning - and lots of openness and love - wonderful - so a mind full - a heart glowing and a body weary...... time for bed......

Living in the present - but how do I do that?

It's Friday evening - after what seems like some of the most concentrated days that I have had for a long time - (which is saying something!) - absolutely no complaints - all wonderful and rich - but also so amazingly full on - in so many ways!

Tonight I went to see my Mum after she had been in hospital for a night - she fell yesterday and banged her head - Fiona and Ann sorted everything - but I was there this evening - took with me the mobile phone that Jimmy and I had bought her yesterday - by her forgotten request - a bit ambitious - but see how we go!

My Mum is amazing - she was finding it so hard tonight - she hates losing her memory of recent events - and the fall has knocked her confidence - she was feeling 'stupid'  - and tired after a night in hospital etc - but she was also very funny and loving - doing her best to pick herself up - and loving the concept of the mobile phone -  foreseeing all sorts of potential uses when she's on holiday etc. I just agreed as she was not really going to the day to day - like me trying to contact her when she's not in her room - or her being able to phone without getting out of bed etc..

But I think we were both holding our breath - as the things she really wants to do - in her very precious life of the moment - are just so dependent on her living semi-independently in  Abbeyfield and her ability to stay strong and active etc -  She knows she can't fall again etc - with all that would lead from that......... So she really is living every second of her life today (consciously) - with a huge understanding that the life she wants to live tomorrow - is totally dependent on her ability to hack it through today!

Wow ----- when I wrote Living in the present - but how do I do that? as the title of this blogg - I was actually thinking about conversations I had had today and recently-  about living in the present - but hey I don't need to think any more - I just need to really try and understand where my Mum is with every second of her life - wow........

OK feel crammed full of emotion,  and very tired - but beautifully happy - doing my best to live in the present and to really understand/feel/live what this means -  it' might be Friday night - but I'm for an early night - to sleep in the present - tomorrow is another day to be - what ever that means!!!!

Crazy pace of change..............

Know I'm not the only one ... in fact think it is all of us... but the pace of change is truly quite extraordinary at the moment!!!!!

Am OK - but do feel like that there is so much happening around, with and to me - that it is sometimes difficult to feel any kind of certainty... but also recognise, relish and love the fact that there is no certainty - wow - change is just happening - so let's enjoy it!!!

I can clearly see that if you stop - for what ever reason - then you move from being part of the 'flow' to a 'blockage ' - from being in a raft going down the rapidly flowing river - to being a rock in the river!

Doing my best to 'go with the flow' but also recognising I am so blessed to be me - to be this woman who is living her life - and enjoying every second of it - way to go!

That doesn't mean that it is easy - because it hasn't been recently - but I do feel beautifully happy - if sometimes hanging on by my finger tips to the edge of the raft!

But way to go - who wants to be a rock - with everything swirling and moving past us? Not me!!!

Roller Coaster.........

.....what a week - a roller coaster and a half! Am at home tonight - last Friday I was in Bucharest - little sleep and travelling after an amazing week! Last weekend was a beautiful blurr of travel, family and friends (and little sleep!) This week has been truly hard - moved office, left my team, walked on and away - a huge mixture of emotions - I focused on the positive - and am proud of myself as I did well - worked hard and stayed focused - though have to say I also took time to grieve and to recognise the sadness - but I actually had very little time as I was just so busy and also Rob was here, overlapping with Jimmy and Rachel then Alex and Lara plus two young Croatian girls - out every night a flat full - 6 here last night - in a flat for one person - so pretty bonkers all round!!! Tomorrow we go camping - a Gilly first and linked to Alex and Lara going to a wedding in the lake district - really looking forward to it - though it will be very cold - but jus feel happy to be going close to the earth and it will be a full moon - perfect and so what I need....... So have felt bruised this week - like I've been in a washing machine - pretty mad - but tonight I feel good - clean and moving on - yes a little bit vulnerable - tired - but also very, very blessed and buffff - big time - CHANGE IS GREAT - but not easy - way to go!

Living in the moment...........

... I am tonight very tired but am happy to wait up for Rob, Hanja and Ivanicha to arrive from Croatia - struggling to stay awake though!

Really lovely day, Jimmy and Rachel came for a late breakfast and then we went to my Mum's - Jimmy introducing his girlfriend to his grandmother ....

I only got back from Roumania mid afternoon yesterday and had arranged to meet an old friend last night, because it was the only night we could meet for ages - and am so glad we did because we just talked - and I talked...... it poured out - so much has happened recently! So that was lovely and then today was so special - family...... Rob here later tonight til Friday - Alex and Lara overlapping Thursday night - Jim and Rachel being here til Wednesday then back the following Monday... wonderful!!!!!!!

Last week was also a real turning point for me - re the thinking that I need to clarify - hard but beautiful - so much fell into place in Bucharest - many reasons for this - but the real reason being that it was the right time...... I can now see clearly what I have to do - Big Picture - details still cloudy - but I have had lots of  - path analogies over the last few days - all about being able to see where I'm going -  I will however go into work tomorrow - and I must take this thinking and write it up really, really clearly - I know that wont be easy - I'm also supposed to be moving offices tomorrow and having a house full....

I can either look at this as difficult or I can just say - How lucky and I to have so much richness in my life - no brainer!!!!!

I have also just realised that I'm still in Bucharest time - 2 hours ahead - so waiting to 1 - actually means waiting up to 3!!!!!

Busy inBucharest....

I'm now in Bucharest - and it's strange to be somewhere - yet with so many people I know - and to feel that I'm in a different country, that I don't really know, and yet so much at home.

I have been interacting with 2 conferences over the last three days, working closely with people from across Europe and well beyond. Many of whom I've been with over the last few months - in several different countries - so extraordinary and yet so deliciously ordinary - wonderful.

The joy of both conferences are the young people - students from across Europe and young people aged between 13-15  from across the world. The thing I love most is how normal this feels - how right and just meant to be....

We are here to work - all of us - this is accepted by the young people and the slightly older students - and they have worked - for long tiring days ( and nights), and for most in a second language ( 2 other native  English speakers in 3 days)....   and I just love them for  their passion, integrity and commitment

They party but only after they have put the work in - and what work - real thinking - the joy of thinking - We Can, We Must and We Will change the world thinking.............. what better kind of work could there be?

So I too have worked hard.... feeling more focused now after the last few weeks/months .... and feeling strong and energised by Bucharest and the wonderful young people that I am blessed to be with.... tired tonight though, so an early night with a song in my heart - to dream well..... of change........ love it!!!