Am still struggling a bit - and cross with myself because I am - as I feel I have no right to feel down! Have just been talking to Gilly - who wonderfully said - it's OK - it's September!
It took me a bit to understand - but yes it's September - 6 years ago my life changed totally as Chris died in September 2006 - how did that happen - SIX YEARS - and a year ago my Dad died - so yes September is a significant month for me - but I've never really thought about it like that - last Sunday - September the 2nd - was my Dad's birthday - which was poignant - for my Mum - and maybe me as well - and as Gilly pointed out - Jim has now left Liverpool - and I might also have a bit of a twinge of empty nest syndrome - and it's also often hard to do what I do - whatever that is!
Ok - I will accept some of this - but not all of it!
Thinking about it - I now don't have anyone to tell how I am really feeling - except maybe Gilly and you my blogg readers. Looking back the bit I miss most - is having someone to tell my feelings too - as I would have told Chris how I felt - though actually I probably would not have told him - he would have told me - "What's up with you - you seem a bit miserable!!!!"
Ok - so at the moment I am a bit miserable - that's honest with myself - I feel quite lonely and on my own at the moment - I also feel better already - having written that!
Not certain why - maybe it is because it's September - though I am not convinced - but as I write a whole surge of 'How lucky am I' has just hit me - How lucky am I? to have had a person in my life that I was so close to - for over 30 years - that I didn't even need to tell that I was feeling a bit down - who just knew! Bufffff - I was just so blessed to have had that lovely man in my life for all those years. Maybe that's what I am feeling tonight - another level of loss - and if that's what I feel - that's good - I think it is important to FEEL.
So maybe I am just FEELING September - and maybe that's just a great place to be - even thought it is a bit raw - a bit painful - but I am alive and living a wonderful life - so now I must just be grateful, appreciate and be happy..... lucky, lucky me....
It took me a bit to understand - but yes it's September - 6 years ago my life changed totally as Chris died in September 2006 - how did that happen - SIX YEARS - and a year ago my Dad died - so yes September is a significant month for me - but I've never really thought about it like that - last Sunday - September the 2nd - was my Dad's birthday - which was poignant - for my Mum - and maybe me as well - and as Gilly pointed out - Jim has now left Liverpool - and I might also have a bit of a twinge of empty nest syndrome - and it's also often hard to do what I do - whatever that is!
Ok - I will accept some of this - but not all of it!
Thinking about it - I now don't have anyone to tell how I am really feeling - except maybe Gilly and you my blogg readers. Looking back the bit I miss most - is having someone to tell my feelings too - as I would have told Chris how I felt - though actually I probably would not have told him - he would have told me - "What's up with you - you seem a bit miserable!!!!"
Ok - so at the moment I am a bit miserable - that's honest with myself - I feel quite lonely and on my own at the moment - I also feel better already - having written that!
Not certain why - maybe it is because it's September - though I am not convinced - but as I write a whole surge of 'How lucky am I' has just hit me - How lucky am I? to have had a person in my life that I was so close to - for over 30 years - that I didn't even need to tell that I was feeling a bit down - who just knew! Bufffff - I was just so blessed to have had that lovely man in my life for all those years. Maybe that's what I am feeling tonight - another level of loss - and if that's what I feel - that's good - I think it is important to FEEL.
So maybe I am just FEELING September - and maybe that's just a great place to be - even thought it is a bit raw - a bit painful - but I am alive and living a wonderful life - so now I must just be grateful, appreciate and be happy..... lucky, lucky me....
