Struggling a bit today as I don’t know how to support Jim. Now the decision has been made for him not to do his exams – he doesn’t know what to do. Going to school is becoming increasingly meaningless as the classes are already focusing on revision and it has already been suggested by one of his teachers that he doesn’t really need to be there – we have talked but he is so lost – his only answer is he doesn’t know what to do. He is quite reconciled about restarting Year 12 next September but there is a lot of time between now and then – and it sounds like he is just wondering around school feeling redundant.
I have tried to make some suggestions – like coming as an Intern to work with me for a month – or having a work placement somewhere else – and he is just lost and can only say he doesn’t know what he wants to do. I don’t know what to say or do – and I think we are both feeling a bit lost.
He is so lovely and he always was very indecisive – I like to have a plan and get on with things and Jimmy doesn’t think like that.
In many ways is harder being Jim’s Mum than is it being me – I can say to myself get a focus – and I am doing that – but how I best support Jim is just really really hard at the moment. I feel that he just wants life to be like it used to be – to be a boy and for decisions to be made for him.
Anyway – I suppose can only do my best – that’s what a parent is all about. Jim is very special and I suppose that he has to learn about making decisions for himself. Do feel that I’m doing it on my own and I suppose that’s what all of us in my situation and similar have to do. So big breath, have tea with Jim and don’t push him to make a decision – and he will have to do it himself – but it’s hard because he is hurting. So are we all.
Today I have also agreed to have the new bathroom fitted whilst I’m in India – which is also going to be hard on Jim – but Bernard the builder is great – a recommendation from Stella and Ruth – I said to him today – that he specialises in work for widows!
There is no magic wand I can shake at Jim -I will do my best to be there for him but he is having to grow up earlier than he would have. I appreciate my blogg as writing this has helped me think.
