In the middle of getting myself prepared to go to India, I got a phone call last week from Bernard the builder to say he’s ready to start on my new bathroom – so as well as sorting out things for me going and me not being here – I have also been sorting out the fitting of a new window for Wednesday and then today running around buying tiles and bathroom accessories! There seems to be a lot of things to sort!
I feel bad that Jim’s going to have to be here on his own but Rob will be around – and Alex for a couple of days – Rob and I went out last night and then over to my Mum and Dad’s today and talked - he is great and will be here for Jimmy. So another first - going to India and leaving Jim in a house undergoing building work.
Jim seems OK about it and told me not to postpone it – he is really looking forward to the Power Shower at the end of it all! I suppose that this is all part of Jimmy growing up – and looking back at my last blogg – in someways perhaps it’s a good thing – it does add to my nervousness of going away though.
Alan L and Neil are both now out of hospital which is good – and I have thought about Moira and Nita a lot. It sound selfish but one of the thoughts I have had - has been - how glad I am that Chris didn’t have any time in hospital – he would have hated it so much.
Lovely emails and phone calls from friends this week – and although I do seem to be finding things quite hard at the moment – I do feel loved and supported.
Went for lunch with Richard on Thursday – who lost his wife with cancer and then brought up the children on his own – he said something which I found really helpful – he talked about how young people see time – a whole day is a long time and next month, next year is too far away to contemplate. I see that in Jim - he is very of the moment – if he’s down or upset it’s now – and later on in the day I can still be worrying about him etc and he has moved on and is feeling OK - now. I found it very comforting as it has made me understand that Jim and I are living in different time zones!
Saturday night and I’m on my own – Jim’s out with his mates – and after nearly 6 months – I am getting more used to this. The other thing about India I realised today is that it will be 6 months from when Chris died whilst I’m away and in someways this is adding to my nervousness.
Now to be positive – for me to be going away to India 6 months after Chris died is amazing – I haven’t written my presentation yet and that’s adding to my worries – but that’s work and I increasingly feel – I can do that. Yes – work wise I do feel OK – the bit that worries me – is my boys.
Rob talked last night about how lucky we are to live when we do – and he is right – and I am thrilled to hear him talk this way – he also talked about the reality of depression – and also how much he missed his Dad. Good conversations.
I am so lucky and know I'm so lucky - which is good.
