Not quite back to earth......

.... well am at home - arrived back from Poland yesterday afternoon - which I know was Sunday but all the days have been so intense and full - I can't say it looked or felt like an ordinary Sunday! Which of course it wasn't.

Well am home - Rene came back from Lodz with me - I was away for nearly two weeks - a Mentoring Associate  visit by David and Nalani from Hawaii to Jerzy and his team in Poland followed by a week of conference - all good - all more than good actually - but tonight I can feel it went really well - but am not sure if I could articulate it!

Think I am still living a bit on adrenaline - and the high of being...... not sure though what I am being.... probably exhausted - 10 countries in 10 weeks, in three continents, two/three day turn arounds...... But I am also high/elated/joyful/grateful....... the joy and insights of being me - and going where I go - to meet who I meet - is actually a bit overwhelmed - I do lead a truly amazing life!

in bed.....

and in my own bed which makes  change........ and I am thinking of spending most of the day here!

My body is tired, overcome to late nights, very early jet lagged mornings and a rough flight home when dehydration//low blood  pressure got to me and I ended up on oxygen. On reflection it was self induced, not deliberately, but as a consequence of me not listening to my body - being wrapped up in an amazing opportunity to meet and reflect - globally ....... and just not drinking enough precious water.

What  I loved most about the conference was the global thinking - not by all obviously but by many - I could see real global consciousness growing and that was fantastic. My own learning growing through the joy of reflection and the opportunity to feel the passion and wisdom of the other participants. It was a Congress - a meeting of minds -  and like everything you get back what you give. I know I contributed passion and...... I hesitate to write the word wisdom - but I think I should overcome my hesitation and recognise that I do contribute wisdom....... Wow that was a big thing for me to write! Sometimes I just feel like I have so little wisdom ..... in the sense of factual knowledge and research based information etc ...... whilst at other times my heart just sings with pure knowing and joy which seems greater even than wisdom......

Interesting.......

I love it when my blogg writing clarifies my thinking!

I was recently talking to Rene about Elders..... and I have not felt that I was ready yet to be an Elder..... but suddenly today I do! Not certain what this means yet..... but for me, maybe becoming an Elder means that I am becoming closer to the beautiful wise child within myself...... yes I like that..... her knowedge is not based on the content of my brain - her knowedge is based on the wisdom of my heart.......

.... back to this world.... so now I am home - arrived yesterday afternoon and apart from phoning my Mum I have done nothing but drink herbal teas and rested - and intend to spend today in a very similar manner - though I know I also need to go and walk in the park and be with the trees and the plants to complete my body balancing.

........ body tired, brain drained but heart singing!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!

.....off to Canada tomorrow

.... holding close to my heart the news that things are going well in Devon - a week ago I was in Torquay hospital with Lizzie.... she was so very dangerously ill ..... and a week later she is home but her world completely changed.... but the news is as positive as possible - so that's great.

Will call in at my Mum's  tomorrow on my way to airport - she wants to send flowers - and Lizzie loves flowers so that will be a nice thing to do. I am all packed and plan to have an early night and as long a lie in tomorrow as I can manage........ Gilly coming round shortly and we will drink wine and talk which is what we do so well together.

Feeling tired but also strangely strong as I see things happen - unrolling in front of me....... the pace is furious though. Feel I just have to give into the speed - accept that life is changing so very quickly.... have spent a lot of today planning and talking about 2014 and 2015 - turn around and it will be 2016 - I wonder where I will be  then - could be anywhere - now that is exciting!!!!!!!

Days are a blurr......

...... and know I am not alone in this....

... back home from London - very, very good work but all a blurr.... tonight I am feeling physically very tired - which I am not really used to.... but I am holding close to me that Lizzie is doing a day at a time..... and my Mum is very happy after her weekend - it is strange but probably not - she got so much out of last weekend. 

Reflecting on the intensity of last weekend  - know I need to give myself sometime to just be me..... also London was good work but also intense in its own way!  Itis lovely to be in my flat - I have music playing and it just so very peaceful..... would go to bed but it is only 9 o'clock!

Thinking a lot about Lizzie, Andy, Claire and Nigel tonight and over last couple of days..... and their journey.... hard but filled with so much love...  and a huge privilege to witness - and to be included within.....

So the days are a blurr - but that's OK - need to stay present and appreciate the moment - every precious second we are alive - life is for living - but tonight it is for sleeping!

the unexpected curve ball!

.... am home it's Monday evening...... and it's hard to know where to start this blogg.

Friday morning I left early to take my Mum and Sophie for a little holiday to stay with with my cousins in Devon..... at the time I was just thinking about my Mum and travelling that distance and would she be alright, looking forward to spending time with Lizzie, Andy and their family etc etc -  when circumstances changed everything........

It is strange that we turn up for the weekend - much looked  forward to by all - hosts and visitors..... ..... when Lizzie my lovely cousin - becomes seriously and life threateningly ill.

So what has happened is that Lizzie has had major surgery - which she survived - and is now at a threshold of recovery (or not) - to be blunt.

But during this weekend we have  been......

....family

....... and tonight I am just treasuring the gift of family - to be able to love, to receive and to witness love....... is to be human - and to be consciously human is such a joy....... joy out of such an emotional and potentially sad weekend could be thought of as a bit weird - but it actually feels so right.  But the shadow of joy is grief.......

.... family means all of us.......

Seven years....

A long time - a short time - no time - all of time........

Seven years ago today my lovely man died - and two years ago tomorrow my lovely Dad died.....

........ and today I have been so happy..........

.... and I'm really proud of me!!!!!

There was a point today when I was walking into work in the sunshine and I just felt pure joy and happiness - there was also points today when I talked to two of my sons and felt their sadness...

......but overall I have been as high as a kite!

The main reason for this has been a beautiful falling together of so many work things and in particular their harmony and resonance with the spiritual dimension of my life.

I live in two worlds much of the time: Alegra's world and Tricia's world... there are people who know both but most people know one - but get glimpses of the other. One very much a spiritual being - the other a woman of this world.....

... and this is my 7 year journey - when Chris died - I was Tricia.... now I am both Tricia and Alegra - and this is the huge growth and awakening of the spiritual aspect of my being - or as my son's would call it - the old hippy part of me!

Tomorrow I take my 93 year old Mum to Devon. Three years after taking my Mum and Dad on their last holiday together to Devon and two years since she lost my Dad, her home, her mobility - as she broke her hip at that time.

We are going with my niece Sophie and  staying at my cousin Lizzie's - I just love family!!!!!! Talked to both and my Mum today - and all of us are just so excited about being together, being family...... treasuring the time we can spend together.... how is that defined? I see it as happiness as felt in the heart.... but also with gratitude that we are able to do this..... talked to Lizzie tonight and know that this also includes a recognition of grief..... which is OK too!

Looking back at this blogg post - I recognise that I have used the seven years well......... thank you Chris my lovely man for being in my life and being such a teacher to me.... and thank you my lovely Dad for cherishing me... I am grateful and blessed... and doing my best to be ME....... which of course is just a part of US!

Back home from Paris - how did that happen?

I live such an extraordinary life - I get a good idea and it sort of happens - which is weird but also wonderful!

So a few months ago I  thought it would be a good idea to go to Paris - work - linked to a workpackage - linked to my needing to know stuff.....  then I thought it would be a good idea to ask a group to go with me - a mixture of members of my current and also my previous team, including young ones.... So I make that happen  - then go off to Africa etc .... doing other stuff..... then suddenly it's Paris.....

Not explaining this well - as I am not certain how I actually make things happen - but I do! I could have gone to Paris for a meeting with maybe one or two other people and it would have been interesting - but I go with 7 very different people - I end up having a few days which were amazingly rich in learning.....

I know I make things happen but am still not certain exactly how I do this! 

Food for thought - crack this one and I am consciously manifesting!!!!

shouldn't start blogging at this time of night - should be sleeping!

Jet lag is funny - I just get wide awake when I should be sleepy - tomorrow morning I know I will struggle! But not  complaining -  I am so amazingly blessed to be having this opportunity to travel - and I knew this time would be pretty full - I go to Paris on Saturday - my 4th country in 4 weekends - then Ireland the following weekend for a wedding - really looking forward to that - as there will be many Spirithorse people there and I have so missed them!

Last weekend was quite poignant in Chicago for several reasons - not least as I can't see me going to another COE conference -  I have been to 13 of the last 15 years annual conferences and ran summer schools and study tours for COE students and staff for 12 years - and Mitch was such an amazing mentor for me for so many years - so extraordinarily important to my professional thinking, decisions and repute. It felt very important that I attended this conference as Mitch was retiring - and I am really glad that I did......  

.... but the USA after Africa was hard.  I knew would find it so because I always find the USA hard - and to go straight from Ethiopia and Kenya was always going to be difficult. It was also full of  'last moments' - these weren't bad or painful - but they were poignant.

There was also quite a lot of Chris grief - which came as a really big surprise...... his death 7 years ago was days after the COE conference in New York - Jimmy and I with many friends attended the 2007 conference - which was also in the same hotel in Chicago... I stumbled on my blogg posting of Chris's memorial service just as I was leaving for Chicago.... this sounds morbid - but it wasn't it was just about the recognition of grief.

Grief is good! That was unexpected learning....

Grief is about recognising truth - love of what is lost - plus all the sadness, regret, guilt for what didn't happen  but it is also about joy and  recognition of what is no longer - about what was beautiful - what should be recognised, celebrated, loved and treasured.

So that was how I felt and what I was thinking - and it has been a pretty hard ride - but I have also felt so loved during this time.... it also feels like a big step somehow - a moving on.......

.... and so we continue - to be alive is a gift.

Now it is very late and sleepy or not I must go to bed!!!

Back home and off again!

.... it's Thursday evening - I got back from Kenya last Saturday - went to see my Mum on Tuesday with Jim - couldn't go on Sunday as was waiting in for my luggage! We had talked quite a few times whilst I was in Ethiopia and Kenya - me being there - had brought back many memories of my Dad's time there - in the year she was waiting to marry him - special and wonderful conversations....

Now I am off to Chicago tomorrow - which feels pretty wierd.... September is a month of travelling.....

... early start tomorrow.....

Today I went to the biggest slum in Africa....

.... and it was....... lost for words - tonight I am feeling very full emotionally....

.... to see poverty beyond my comprehension - but at the same time to see such joy and hope - is also beyond my comprehension - OK so my mind is still struggling to get to grips with this - but my heart is singing!

Africa......

....tonight am in Nairobi after a week in Addis Ababa...... and the first chance to blogg.... so much has happened......

......... feeling quite lost for words..........

I suppose nothing really has happened except I have been given the opportunity to be me and to see and to learn...... I have been on a real learning journey.....

..... tonight I am back in the comfortable world of a nice hotel in Nairobi with good internet, hot water etc with insightful colleagues/friends from Brazil - and tomorrow I go on another African journey.

Spoke to my Mum tonight - she is amazing and she listened with love to my stories of where I have been....

.... learning, learning, learning....... LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

....off again.....

... and not feeling nervous - but really, really excited!!!!!!

It's Saturday teatime and tomorrow morning at 4 I have to leave for the airport - I'm all packed - just thinking through what I might have forgotten - and tomorrow I go to Ethiopia - wow, wow ,wow!!!!!!! For a week and then to Kenya for a week - lots more wows!!!!

I have been over to my Mum's today with my sister Fiona and for the second week reading some of my Father's letters to my Mum. They met in Germany in 1945 at the end of the second world war - and after very few weeks (3-6 my Mum moves the figure)  became engaged - and then my Dad was posted to Abyssinia  (Ethiopia) for a year.

So last week I started to look at my Dad's letters - to see if I could see where he had been posted etc. I discovered that he had spent quite a lot of the time in Nairobi - but beyond that very little abut the places he was stationed - or what he saw etc.

But what I did read was extraordinary; the outpourings of love from a young man to a young woman - separated by half a world. They wrote daily (with occasional misses - explained with love and details of 'no light' or 'a party at the Mess') and it was just beautifully from the heart.... real love letters...... letters of love from a young (remarkably innocent and naive) young man to the love of his life. Bufffffffff

I read some out to my Mum...... we cried last week - so this week I selected more.... she hasn't been able to face these letter before - but I think she will now start to read them again on her own. The love of 66 years - in the words of a young man. So amazingly beautiful. I nearly wrote poignant - but I don't think it is poignant - I think it is JUST BEAUTIFUL - that my Mum can read the words of love, written from the heart - from the love of her life. The fact that he wrote them 68 years ago is irrelevant, the fact that he is dead is irrelevant. He loved her then and he loved for all the rest of the 66 years they were together - she misses him so much - but to have been loved like that is truly special.....

My Mum says often - I'm so lucky - and today witnessing this - she is.... I have become strangely short of words - bit overwhelmed by it really.

Then tomorrow I go to Ethiopia!

Lots more stuff in my heart... but the restlessness of the night before travel has come over me - and I need a really early night.......

WOW!!!!! - the only word to describe how I feel tonight, blessed, deeply appreciative and so EXCITED!!!

Sunday evening... how did that happen?

... it only seems seconds ago it was - yesterday, last Sunday, a year ago.........

This week has been a real - up and down sort of week - but on reflection maybe this is not a bad thing.

Trying to find answers.......

We live in a world were we see things as linear - but maybe not everything is linear? Maybe we live in a spiral universe - so going up and down is in the context of going round and round. So maybe all this means is that when we feel we are going up and down - we are actually going forward - all be it in a strange sort of jumpy fashion!

Back to earth....  there have been great bits to my week, Steph being here for several days, Jimmy back in Liverpool, settling into the house, work prickly but eventually being able to see really clearly what needs to be done and having an amazing day on Wednesday working with young people - wonderfully, mind-blowingly good!

But there has been down bits - not certain what - a sort of heavy feeling about 'stuff' - now that is not a very clear description! OK - I have struggled with something this week - which is very deep within me - I will use this blogg to explore it.......

......I love blogging - because now I have to write down what exactly has been 'bugging' me all week!

Well..... it's been about 'manifesting' - for quite a while I have known - consciously - that there is a really strong relationship between - 'what I expect - and what I get'. I see it happening - I look back over my life and I can see when and how it happened. Small things and big things.

I have been reflecting on these and my thinking has ended up understanding that these things happened in order for me to learn....................-

As I got clearer about why things things happened because I learnt this or because I learnt that .... then I can comfortably move to - it all happened actually  'for a purpose' - I then moved on to 'Wow - I made these things happen.... because this is what I learnt from that.'

Pretty bonkers stuff - but all making prefect sense to me!!!

The next stage is to then say - OK - 'If I  can do this - if I can make things happen - then what should I consciously manifest?'

At this point,  I got into a very difficult loop of thinking - do I manifest something because I want it - or do I manifest something because I will learn from it - two completely different things.........

Anyway - I have been wrapping myself up in this thought loop for a while now - since the point that I clearly saw the relationship between me manifesting things which happened in my life - somethings because I wanted them - but most because on reflection - I learnt so much from them.

I believe that I have been manifesting my life -this beautiful rich life I lead - I am responsible for it.....Quite a big leap in thinking this - but I have to say it is where I am - and where I have been for a while now.

So Dear Blogg readers - thanks-you for staying with me - and yes this is a pretty convoluted thought chain!

So the dilemma is - now I 'know' what I am doing - what do I manifest - what I want (nice stuff)? or stuff for me to learn (which might not be so nice stuff)?

I am surprised (but also not surprised) that I have ended up understanding that what I have to go with is ....... faith. Now this is a really difficult word/concept for me - because I equate this word with religion - and total knowing, total clarity - and also total dogma, blindness, lack of thinking......

So... now you see my dilemma - loving the manifestation concept, seeing/living its reality - knowing that I can do it consciously - and then finding that what I manifest has to be based on faith .

So I have to have faith - in other words I have to 'know' in my head - that I don't actually 'know' - but to 'know' in my heart - that I actually do 'know'. Because I am living it!

Well this has been a long - and not easy blogg to write, Thank you staying with me - am aware that I am not clear yet - but loving the process of getting there - and Sooooooo excited about what I am manifesting!!!!

Life's amazing - and probably spiral - have faith! xxxxxx

Deliciously beautifully bonkers.....

......on a lots of levels!

 

Love it -  it has been an amazing week - with three really big things happening! 

I am now at home in my little flat - but holding close to myself the joy that Jimmy and 4 of his friends are now the Tenants ( as defined by law!) of Cheltenham Avenue. Lots of stuff here - and from my point of view - a lot of resolution. This was my lifetime home for over 30 years - my family home - Chris and my home - where I brought my new born babies to, where I brought my family up, where I was happy, where I confronted the most beautiful and the hardest lessons I could ever face etc,etc...... I left it three years ago - not easy - but now the house is taking a new life, the home of Jimmy (and Rachel) in Liverpool plus four of his friends - love it! Though the complete lack of furniture, fittings and everything else was a bit unexpected - but after the shock have loved  the lack of  memories.... 

Second big thing was coming back to earth after Singing in the Wild! Won't even try to start explaining this - need to blogg sometime with honesty and openness and try to explain where I go - and who I am in the valley -  but I am ME - beautiful, spiritual, true and authentic- oh yes - and divine - so not easily put on a blogg!!!

Third thing was work - an amazing falling together of 'stuff''..... too tired tonight to detail but it was  amazing when the day to day stuff - the every day norms - fall in line with the bonkers reality of my other life! It is also hard to make sense -sorry!

It's Friday night  and I have been drinking wine with Gilly.

xxxxxxxx.. and something is making me sneeze - atishu!!!!!

In Brazil

Extraodinarily - I am currently in Rio de Janerio - and tonight I fly to Washington DC...... how did that happen!

I am staying in a beautiful apartment in Ipanema a block away from the amazing beach - courtesy of a beautiful woman that I met in Lima at Easter. Her journey is not easy and it has been a privilege to have spend time with her in this wonderful city.

I have been amazed by Rio - it is just a wonderous city - the amazing combination of the beaches, urbanity, extraordinary mountains and people. I love it! I am frustrated by the language as my Spanish is not good enough for me to transfer to Portuguese - but one day it will be!

I have reflected a lot about my future whilst I have been in Brazil - deep and personal conversations in Sao Paulo and then here in Rio - aware that I am in South America - and feeling so much at home.... but  I do feel so much an Earthling  - at home in the world, rather than just one bit of it.

I have also felt how positive I am - and that this is what I also receive back. What you give is what you get. This process of being positive - expecting and accepting - is a circular one - but it is not a passive one. I believe that when I see an open door - I go through it - but not by just drifting through it - but by walking through it - consciously taking responsibility for my own actions.

I suppose this is the relationship between the conscious mind and the intuition of the soul.

Well I know I feel blessed - and I know I am consciously happy - and I know I have a last day in Rio to  explore this amazing city.............. and I am here - where ever that is - living my life in the present, with so much gratitude and love - lucky, lucky, lucky me!

Off to Brazil

It's been a very busy week at work - and the week has just seemed to have flown by. But this seems like the norm for everyone.

Life does seem very strange  the moment - and I feel a growing alignment between everything I do - though I also feel a strong sense of 'not understanding' what's going on... but a growing sense of 'feeling' that great changes are going on!!!

I love it when I have random conversations - like yesterday when I was getting my hair cut - a conversation which led to a real sense of shared understanding. I love that feeling of connection, when you don't really need to say very much - but just understand each other.

Well off around to the other side of the world - feeling very happy and sort of comfortable - that sounds a bit weird - still not certain why I do what I do - but know that I am doing the right thing - if that makes sense?

Afternoon with my Mum, Jenny, Fiona and little Aiden - then off to Sao Paulo - counting my many blessing!

Dancing and my Mum

It's Sunday evening and I have been dancing all weekend - 'Space' with Andrew Holmes - two days of deep dancing - absolutely wonderful. Earlier today I danced 'outside my body' - it is a bit difficult to explain - but when you dance deep - sometimes your body sort of disappears and you feel like you have no edges to your body. This didn't used to happen very often - but I have increasingly been going to this place - well today I went there - and then to the next place...................

...... this really is difficult to describe - but today when I  was dancing - I consciously took myself outside of my physical body into my Aura - well I guess it was my Aura - somewhere that I have never been before!

So that was pretty cool!

It's funny cos I am doing this amazing stuff, and living this amazing life - but I don't actually know the words for where I am - a lot of this is about me wanting to work everything out for myself - I don't want to be told these things by someone else. This means  - however a wonderful a teacher is - I feel it is crucial for me to recognise that the 'lesson' is coming through the teacher's perspective - and as we are all different - we have to learn things from our own perspective. So a really good teacher - takes you to a place where you work it out for yourself. This is true for dancing - for me - but I think it is probably true for everything - we learn when we are enabled to be in a position to learn - and when we are ready to - I think this is why I love Andrew as a teacher - because he is brilliant at what he does - but so subtle -  very in tune with his class and with a wonderful humility about what he is - which is an amazing teacher!

So I came back home and have an evening of conversations with Alex (in Grenoble) and my Mum....... conversations which were both lovely but also poignant. My Mum had been taken unwell at Chapel this morning  - probably her heart - which operates on three valves. Not seriously unwell but a 'turn' she was unhappy - as she felt stupid - when she gets down - she sort of loses all her confidence and says things like I'm just a silly old woman. We talked a long time on the phone which was good......

Never finished this blogg last night - sleep just crept up on me - I had danced for two whole days - so it was understandable! Well - it's now Monday and I have been to London and back - had a great day of meetings - so buzzing - as well as the legacy of days dancing with a wonderful teacher. Early night tonight!

Expectations!

I have for a while now becoming clearer about the reality of What you expect - is - What you get.

Not totally certain of the parameters for this - but I do feel it is very true when going into a specific situation - if I go into something - with the expectation that it will not be good - well hey - guess what - it isn't! But if I expect it to be positive - not always easy - but positive - then - it will be.

I think the biggest thing in my life - was Chris dying - and looking back I can see that I made the decision - then and there - to go into the future positively - and I see my current fulfilled and richly blessed life - a consequence of that mindset. But it was definitely not easy.......

But it is also true of the smallest things - if I expect this day to be joyful - it will be - if I can recognise and enjoy all the elements of it. This doesn't mean everything will work out as I want them to happen - but if my mindset is one which says - I expect joy from this day - whatever actually happens is irrelevant - if my mindset is to feel the joy of being alive and having the gift of  living another day!

Well today has started well - it's just after 9 in the morning and I'm blogging from my bed - I slept well - but woke early - and decided that I needed to run in the park - I have been away for three weeks and not done much exercise during this time - and eaten many beautiful meals! My body is feeling a bit heavy - I expected it to be a good run - though I knew it wasn't going to be easy!

Anyway the run was amazing! Much better than I expected - firstly the park is just so deliciously green, lush and verdant after all this rain... the sun is shining and the freshness of the morning made it a wonderful place to be. It was hard though - my body felt heavy - but I warmed up and then ran to a special place - close to where I used to live - it is a spot where I used to go and meditate when I was just starting my spiritual awakening. I meditated there for a while in the sunshine then continued my run - I saw Kipper the dog's doppelganger - a dog called Shadow - who has very similar markings - he's old now and it was lovely to see such a close simile to my lovely Kipper.

Then I ran to the tree where we scattered Chris's and Kipper's ashes - a beautiful Beech tree - its trunk strong and its new leaves shimmering - I stood with my back to the tree and remembering both of them with love - I was just standing there when I looked up to see a little robin on a branch, very close, and right in front of me. He sang to me as I stood with tears running down my cheeks. It was very special. So I expected a good run - but I didn't know I would be serenaded by a robin!!

It's Sunday and I'm off again tomorrow to Brussels - I have quite a lot of work to do before I go - this afternoon I will go and see my Mum - have spoken to her lots over the last three weeks but it will be good to be with her. I might just spend a bit longer in my bed though as it very comfortable....

A beautiful start to the day - and now I will expect to find joy in the rest of the day!!!

In Croatia with Rob

A very special week with Rob - tonight in Zadar - after nearly two weeks together - this last week  has been a holiday - Sarajevo and Hvar -  but much more important a time for us to to talk - I can't see such a time together in our future - we have not always agreed - but over the last week we have really talked - deeply, spiritually and openly.... wonderful....

Tomorrow back into world of work - but how blessed have I been to have had this opportunity to travel and to talk deeply with my oldest son..... feeling very happy........

Finding My Feet!

It's Sunday night and I have to leave the house at 5.15 tomorrow morning to catch a flight to Croatia, so on the move again!! I will be away for three weeks, back 2 nights, then away again for a few more days. This trip has also got several distinct element to it, two conferences and several meetings in several countries. However, I will also spend a few days with Rob, we are going to Sarajevo, the Bosnian pyramid,  Mostar and then down to the coast which will be lovely.

I have got that edgy feeling that I get just before I go away. Packing today, seemed complicated, not helped by the fact that I bought Rob a pair of shoes, size 15 (50 European size/16 USA) - they fill my carry on bag! I am also taking him a present of a hammock I found and repaired, this seemed a good idea but it hasn't left a lot of space for anything else. I also really like to travel light so I am only taking a very small suitcase and carry on bag. So today I had to pack with care - but given my lifestyle I should be very good at packing!

Went over to see my mother yesterday. She is sad, she is really doing her best not to be sad, however sadness is quite close to her at the moment. I won't see her for the next three weeks, but I do phone her a lot. I think she is lonely. She actually has a lot of visitors and lives in a lovely place with other people, but I think her loneliness - is her missing Dad. She is going on a cruise in July with Jenny, Evey and Ellen. They are going around Ireland and calling in one of the Channel Islands, she's really looking forward to that. I have said I will take her away to stay with my cousin Lizzy's in September. As one trip comes close, she likes to see her next trip taking shape - I must be my mother's daughter!

I have had a lovely and busy weekend, went drinking with Hector and Gilly on Friday, went to see my Mum and got my hair cut on Saturday, when round for tea and watched the Eurovision Song contest at Gilly's last night and then today, packed, and this afternoon took a group of people on a Shamanic Sound Journey. I was actually very nervous. We held the event in my friend Jude's apartment and it was a mixture of people that I knew through dancing and complete strangers. They all seem to get a lot from the journey which was wonderful but afterwards a couple of things happened which amazed me.

I have just written an e-mail to a friend describing where I am in my life. and I said I am amazingly blessed to be living the life that I am; with the growing conviction and understanding, that  I am absolutely in the perfect place at the perfect time, to be doing what I should be doing!

And it feels very true.

Wow!!!!!!!!!

But maybe I am just finding my feet.....................