Jet lag is funny - I just get wide awake when I should be sleepy - tomorrow morning I know I will struggle! But not complaining - I am so amazingly blessed to be having this opportunity to travel - and I knew this time would be pretty full - I go to Paris on Saturday - my 4th country in 4 weekends - then Ireland the following weekend for a wedding - really looking forward to that - as there will be many Spirithorse people there and I have so missed them!
Last weekend was quite poignant in Chicago for several reasons - not least as I can't see me going to another COE conference - I have been to 13 of the last 15 years annual conferences and ran summer schools and study tours for COE students and staff for 12 years - and Mitch was such an amazing mentor for me for so many years - so extraordinarily important to my professional thinking, decisions and repute. It felt very important that I attended this conference as Mitch was retiring - and I am really glad that I did......
.... but the USA after Africa was hard. I knew would find it so because I always find the USA hard - and to go straight from Ethiopia and Kenya was always going to be difficult. It was also full of 'last moments' - these weren't bad or painful - but they were poignant.
There was also quite a lot of Chris grief - which came as a really big surprise...... his death 7 years ago was days after the COE conference in New York - Jimmy and I with many friends attended the 2007 conference - which was also in the same hotel in Chicago... I stumbled on my blogg posting of Chris's memorial service just as I was leaving for Chicago.... this sounds morbid - but it wasn't it was just about the recognition of grief.
Grief is good! That was unexpected learning....
Grief is about recognising truth - love of what is lost - plus all the sadness, regret, guilt for what didn't happen but it is also about joy and recognition of what is no longer - about what was beautiful - what should be recognised, celebrated, loved and treasured.
So that was how I felt and what I was thinking - and it has been a pretty hard ride - but I have also felt so loved during this time.... it also feels like a big step somehow - a moving on.......
.... and so we continue - to be alive is a gift.
Now it is very late and sleepy or not I must go to bed!!!
