I have been ‘neutral’ to Christmas for quite a few years now – cherishing and relishing the mid winter break – the opportunity to have a holiday from work and to spend good time with my family – the focus moving from my children to my parents over the last few years. Having the money and experience to be able to cook dinner for large family groups and to give presents with out too much hassle. But for several years I have struggled with the ‘demands’ of Christmas, card sending and receiving and the prevalent expected excess and I suppose the nasty commercialisation of the whole thing.
Anyway – apart from that - last year was pretty horrible – a major First and thinking back I was pretty much still in zombie mode. I have been surprised to find that this year I am again struggling – I was talking to Ruth today – and she echoed many of my thoughts – she’s three months ahead of me as Mike died in the July but we share so many things and thoughts.
Feel quite intolerant of the superficiality of Christmas – am quite looking forward to sending time with my parents and boys – and looking forward to my sister Ann, Max and Bryony also being there – good things – time with family. Not coping well with the concept of Christmas especially cards – haven’t sent any and am not certain if I will.
Chris and I had also been able to go away on our own for New Year for several years – so the not having that any more is a tangible loss.
But just need to appreciate how fortunate I am and to not feel ashamed of these thoughts. Good friends don’t need cards to remind them that I treasure them being in my life – and after this last year I really do treasure and value them – and I do think I need to ensure that I tell them somehow.
