Tomorrow is Friday – and I’m not working. My first official four day week – and I am so appreciative of this. I suppose it’s because my body knows that I’m not working tomorrow that it has let itself be so tired tonight. I have been really questioned this total feeling of exhaustion – it has been creeping up on me for a while now – I don’t think I have ever felt like this before - even when the boys were tiny babies – I have never felt this depth of physical tiredness. Not unwell – not sick - but just completely and utterly exhausted.
Talked to Gilly tonight and she said that I have had 5 years of intense emotions in a space of a few months and that this must have a physical knock on – and that made sense to me. Tonight I am also feeling proud of myself in coming out and acknowledging my physical weariness before it catches up with me in some form of illness. Looking back when I have been sick it has often been at times when I could be ill – when I have let myself switch off. So the fact that I am working – and doing OK – despite having a bit of a wobble today – but by and large working and coping well – however I am increasingly thinking that it is important that I give in to the tiredness – and just accept it as stage that I have to go through.
I have never really read thoroughly the booklets they gave me on bereavement but I don’t recall a section on ‘giving into exhaustion’ – but today I feel that this is what I must do – and that to acknowledge that the tiredness is a good thing. The other good thing is that tomorrow I am off for three days – lovely!!!
