....... is getting very frail and last Saturday she went into a nursing home in order to have 24 hour care as she is no longer able to look after herself.
I am travelling to the UK tomorrow. I don't think she is in immediate danger and I had already planned to see her in a couple of weeks time. But when I heard that she had got so frail that she was leaving Abbeyfield, I just felt I had to go and see her. I suppose I don't want to have not gone and then to feel regret that I hadn't visited her, maybe for the last time.
I do feel sad, but I also recognise that this was an inevitability that had been fast approaching for a while now. She had her last holiday with us over Christmas and she had such a happy time. I am so glad and grateful that I made that happen. I don't think she ever recovered from the flu that she had shortly after her return from that week. And I haven't seen her since then.......... so I know I will see such a big difference and that I must prepare myself for that. Tears are in my eyes as I write this and that's OK, I knew when I left the UK that she would get to the very last time of her life without me being there.
I have been writing regularly and though she didn't have a way of replying I knew she loved the letters and read and re-read them - I am hoping that I will be able to find a way to write to her at the nursing home but I'm not sure if she is capable of reading them now. But that's why I am going - so I can see exactly how she is.
She might get 'better' with 24 hour care and more company and be able to continue for a while. I think it will depend on her state of mind. My Dad ran out of energy at the end and he just couldn't stay any longer.
So feeling sad but recognising that when it's her time to go, she will go............
I am travelling to the UK tomorrow. I don't think she is in immediate danger and I had already planned to see her in a couple of weeks time. But when I heard that she had got so frail that she was leaving Abbeyfield, I just felt I had to go and see her. I suppose I don't want to have not gone and then to feel regret that I hadn't visited her, maybe for the last time.
I do feel sad, but I also recognise that this was an inevitability that had been fast approaching for a while now. She had her last holiday with us over Christmas and she had such a happy time. I am so glad and grateful that I made that happen. I don't think she ever recovered from the flu that she had shortly after her return from that week. And I haven't seen her since then.......... so I know I will see such a big difference and that I must prepare myself for that. Tears are in my eyes as I write this and that's OK, I knew when I left the UK that she would get to the very last time of her life without me being there.
I have been writing regularly and though she didn't have a way of replying I knew she loved the letters and read and re-read them - I am hoping that I will be able to find a way to write to her at the nursing home but I'm not sure if she is capable of reading them now. But that's why I am going - so I can see exactly how she is.
She might get 'better' with 24 hour care and more company and be able to continue for a while. I think it will depend on her state of mind. My Dad ran out of energy at the end and he just couldn't stay any longer.
So feeling sad but recognising that when it's her time to go, she will go............
