Started this blogg last night but got as far as the title - when the combination of a wonderfully long hot bath, a lovely dinner on my own with candles and dancing Heartbeat for the whole weekend - all caught up on me and I have slept – a beautiful long and deep sleep, which I know my body needed.
Listening to your body is so much a part of Heartbeat and then dancing your body through, with and into deep emotional places – just an amazing gift to have been given. We started Friday with fear and anger and ended up yesterday with joy and compassion, having travelled with sadness through some of Saturday and Sunday. We danced in the huge space of the Blackie to Joe’s powerful drums and percussion music.
The dancing was extra-ordinary good but then I had two house guests, who just made the whole weekend even more special and magical. Very different women, on very different journeys, but the three of us just gave and got so much from each other – we talked, ate, listened and walked to and from the Blackie to dance. On Saturday night I cooked a meal, we lit a fire in the front room and they gave me a full body massage which I can still feel the warmth of. I just got so much from their company and our conversations - and I know they did to.
At this moment in my life – or perhaps it has always been throughout my life – I don’t know – but at this time - when I need to talk something through - or to be shown how I could think differently about something I don’t understand – then people appear in my life – it’s quite extra-ordinary. Wonderful people with knowledge for me – it’s like their lives have been filled with experiences which gave them just the perfect piece of knowledge that I was looking for at that particular moment in my life.
Sometimes you just can’t see what others can see – and different people use their own knowledge to see things in you and they can see clearly what you cannot – and that is what happened this weekend. I knew things about myself, but couldn't’t see them and in particular I have been thinking a lot recently about my relationship with men, including sexual relationships. I was with my beautiful Chris for all my adult life, we grew up together, worked things out together, blossomed together, and to move on I really need to think through what I want, but also, and this was the big eye opener of my weekend – what I have to offer.
So whilst I was dancing through fear, anger, sorrow, joy and compassion, I was also given the opportunity to talk through where my journey is taking me and like so many times recently, the result shook me as a real surprise but then when I thought about it - I realised that of course this isn't a surprise - it's what I'd known for a long time – and something my life has been preparing me for and something which my heart knew all along!
Mantra time – how lucky am I........................
