You only know what you have to lose when you have lost it – I have been so fortunate all my life – I haven’t had to face loss – parents still alive – married at 21 – 3 lovely boys and the love of a good man – all my problems have been really small – because I have just been too busy getting on with life.
I now feel that all aspects of my life are so precious – my health, my family, my friends, my lovely job – these are so much day to day acceptances of mine and yet so very very priceless.
As I look back at my past and as I start to see a future - I have such an over whelming sense of the need to cherish everything. Time is so short.
These thoughts also help me understand Chris more. His childhood and adolescence – the only very late child of elderly parents – who then so nearly died at 13 and then lived with constant and intense pain – gave him an huge understanding and love for life which I feel that I am only now starting to understand.
Bitter sweet thoughts and yes I do feel some regret – I wish I understood more whilst Chris was still alive – but also understand that I only know what I do now because he has died – but also because he had lived.
I thought about writing these things tonight and was aware that some readers are much younger than me – I thought - should I say what I think and feel and understand? - and then I remembered that you only understand things when you are ready. Chris’s knowledge is there for us all to understand but we probably only will when we are ready……
