........sometimes life is hard ... even when you are a wonderfully blessed, happy and open person - aka transformed Tricia (Alegra) .... sometimes it is still very hard.
Had a really hard night ... not sure why.. probably the move and being the other side of so much change - finally hitting home - also reflected tonight on the night Chris died - triggered by something - and recalling and remembering that night ....and then talking that through with a lovely person - thank you...
Bufff - lots of stuff there!!
Okay - recognition of the fact that I am a wonderfully blessed, happy and open person - is just amazing - cos I haven't always been that person - bufff!!
Also am proud of the way we - as a family - me and the boys - how we were there for Chris's death - I'm proud of the way we did that - we were there - wonderfully there - for that last awful night, as he breathed his last - before dying......... bufff I am so proud of us - we did that so well!!
Then where am I now? - last night an unknown dancer asked me if something had happened to me yesterday - because I had danced so full of happiness - but I had just danced!! .........and intrigued by his question I asked other dancers - and apparently I dance with 'childlike happiness' - another big bufff here - cos I know I am myself when I dance - and I know I am very free and open when I dance - and I think they may be right- but I just dance!!!!!
OK so I recognise that I can be so happy - for example when I'm dancing - but also can go where I've been tonight which was pretty hard ...but I suppose that's what life is all about and the wonderful resistance of us - human beings - aren't we just amazing!!!!!!!!!!
