Staying at Franja’s in Velenje in Northern Slovenia for a couple of days and then tomorrow I go to Varazdin.I’m not sure how I have got such a wonderful set of friends around the world, but I feel so much at home here it’s strange and wonderful. Last night we booked flights for Franja and Jan – he is so excited -to come to Liverpool for New Year - and we have talked and talked non stop since I arrived.
I was at a conference last week, and went out to dinner on Thursday night in Rotterdam, with someone that I knew, but hadn’t really talked to for over 6 years, and we had one of those magic nights. It started in the restaurant when the waitress asked us if we would like the Chef’s surprise meal and when we replied yes – this amazing dinner started to arrive – each element of which had been created with such care – and was accompanied by a glass of wonderful wine – it went on for course after mini course – and we talked and talked – magic.
I obviously talked about Chris and tried to explain how special he was, as she had never met him. Talking, also made me see how the sudden loss of Chris created such a huge void in my heart and soul – a chasm of emptiness – that sudden loss of the one person that I could talk about anything and everything to. I am only now really beginning to fill the void with friends, some old, some new.
Talking that night made me see more clearly and understood my bereftness - particularly in that first year – I can see that my heart was rattling around alone in a huge empty space! I think these reflections are also as a consequence of seeing the wonderful closeness of Ioanna and Pete as they live through their worst nightmare – their shared love is so visible and so special.
But here I am in Slovenia with Franja, and looking forward to being Renata tomorrow, and hopefully seeing some of my other Varazdin friends. My heart is filling up with love again and it’s wonderful.
