Half way through the summer of 2007

I do find it weird to be me at the moment – I feel I’m neither one thing or the other at the moment – coming up to a year widowed but still feeling like I’m the person I was before Chris died - but obviously am not – knowing that I am going through a period of transition to become the person I will become when I truly understand being widowed – i.e. accepting that Chris has gone but before I become the post Chris person I have to think through who I am - but the bottom line is I never really thought through who was previous me – let alone a new me!

Anyway – post Chris Trish has just spent a happy few days in Rome with Gilly – good fun but it felt like a weekend away so when I came home it felt even stranger - Alex being home with his girlfriend Lara was another first - missed Chris badly - I think we all did. Then back to work the last couple of days – that also feels a bit weird as I’m always away at this time of year and it is strangely quiet – not feeling totally motivated – not certain why – suppose just have to get on with it – accept things – I think that must be the phase I’m going through at the moment - acceptance – think that’s right – as accepting Chris is no longer here is my current obsession.

But – and I always have to find a ‘but’ – acceptance also involves recognising what I’ve got –how much luck and fortune I’ve had – and also the strangely growing feeling that I can see a future for me – two things being very clear - being the best Mum I can be – and continuing working in an area that I have passion for – but there is strangely growing recognition that there is a world that I have yet to enter – I suppose this is the post Chris world.



So here is me - post Chris Tricia at the Trevi Fountain,Rome 2007. Life is strange!