This morning I went to work - then at 12 I left to go and see my Father in the nursing home to discuss what he wanted if he had a heart attack - resuscitation or not. We - my Dad, the Matron and I had a long and hard conversation - my Father didn't know whether he wanted resuscitation or not - but through the conversation I learn - he didn't want to be a nuisance – he couldn’t be bothered with living – and he didn’t want to leave us yet.........
Then I went to see my Mum who was remarkably cheerful considering she was still post-op on drips etc - a little girl in full flow, funny and doing really well – if not maybe well anchored in the real world..... then I went back to see my Father to tell him Mum was OK and to show him a photo of her on the Ipad – and then I drove home and sobbed as I drove – big shuddering waves of grief – so I stopped and had a lovely cup of coffee in a service station – and then I drove home to meet Jimmy off the bus back from Leeds and we went for dinner and talked.....
Tomorrow I go to Italy for a few days meetings – my wonderful sister Fiona will take on all the visiting – on top of everything else she is carrying - supported by nephews......she is the most amazing woman...
So I am feeling grateful and OK really - nauseous – but I think that is my body’s reaction to all this. Buffffff!!!!!
