Two years on and I’m home alone – it’s Thursday night and Jim has just gone out after we had a fishcake tea together – this is one of our favourite teas – very quick – frozen haddock pieces from Dial a Deli plus mashed potatoes and ‘fish spice’ from my holiday in Provence with Gilly, all fried together served with peas!
Busy day at work – didn’t get home till late - have been aware all week, and particularly today, that it’s my second anniversary. Drove home deliberately via a different route – coming home from work, I often get a flashback to ‘that’ drive home – 'The' phone call from Jim - 'The' drive home – knowing in my heart of hearts that it was the end for Chris - coming home and finding him in the back garden – gone – and then the whole thing happening, the hospital – me and our wonderful boys - the long night - and then my lovely Chris was gone.
Looked back at last year’s blog I am amazed to see how much stronger I am this year – tonight I intend to have a couple of glasses of wine and - do things like look at photos and let myself wallow a while - because I think these are good things to do now and then - and it is the second anniversary of the death of my husband.
Am taking tomorrow off work – got lots of things to do and in some ways the feeling that I could have gone in – and even should have gone in tomorrow – makes me see how much further I am on this year. So tomorrow I am going to get a new back yard gate fitted and as Jim’s at home – Baker Day – and Rob’s coming round - we will go out for lunch somewhere and then Alex is coming home tomorrow evening. Then Saturday I’m going dancing.
I don’t think I would have done this anyway as nearly as well - if I hadn’t found dancing – even went dancing in Washington last Saturday – how amazing is that! I do love dancing it is just so important to me – difficult to explain why – but I find real release and peace when I dance.
So two years on – I’m me – the widow of Chris Jenkins, the international educator, the mother of three lovely boys, daughter of two elderly parents, sister, aunt and friend and colleague of many – how lucky is she that Tricia – very lucky and she knows it.
