The days between a death and a funeral are always special.... busy ... always lots of really important things to decide... all of which are really small things - but of course these are the most important things in this life....... but also times when you are together doing nothing - talking with your heart open and receptive - able to get close - to reflect and to just be...... the technology enabling this happen across the world.... wonderful......
I have just loved the messages I have received - I lay on my bed yesterday and just thought - 'Just accept this love that is being sent to you..... just receive it!'... and I did - I lay there and just said ' I receive this love - thank you - it makes my heart so happy.' Because I know that I find it very difficult to receive love - to actually accept that people love me - because to do so means that I totally accept and love myself - and as everyone knows that is the hardest thing in the world! So how special is it that at this time I am making big steps in that direction - receiving love - shouldn't be that hard - but boy it is!!!!
I have just loved the messages I have received - I lay on my bed yesterday and just thought - 'Just accept this love that is being sent to you..... just receive it!'... and I did - I lay there and just said ' I receive this love - thank you - it makes my heart so happy.' Because I know that I find it very difficult to receive love - to actually accept that people love me - because to do so means that I totally accept and love myself - and as everyone knows that is the hardest thing in the world! So how special is it that at this time I am making big steps in that direction - receiving love - shouldn't be that hard - but boy it is!!!!
Am at home - early evening after a day of planning my Dad's funeral..... sisters meeting - then with my lovely Mum - sitting in this glorious sunshine we are having - trying to come to terms what is happening in her life.... and she is - wonderful woman - choosing flowers........ being overwhelmed by much of it..... loving her daughters and one grand-daughter for being there for her today in the sunshine........ repeatedly saying - 'I am just so lucky'... her gratitude for her and my lovely Dad's life being such an important part of her - and our healing................... how blessed are we to be close to this?
Wanting to be 'home' though this will not be her home of 55 years, but she is looking forward to being home (somewhere) to going on day trips, seeing primroses in Devon, going to the Lakes... she can see much of it... details to be sorted... but she is creating her new life.... and watching her do this is wonderful, inspirational and just so special.................
I will speak at my Father's funeral - at the Crematorium Service before the Service of Thanksgiving in the Unitarian Chapel - where his 4 daughters were married - wow he was so blessed my Dad... I talked today about what I will say... but I will spend time with my Mum over this weekend understanding what I need to say - for her and for us....
What we need to say to my Dad - is easy - 'We love you - thank you for being in our lives'
What needs to be said for my sisters and our family is not yet clear but it will become clearer over the next few days and nights (dreaming it)......
Wanting to be 'home' though this will not be her home of 55 years, but she is looking forward to being home (somewhere) to going on day trips, seeing primroses in Devon, going to the Lakes... she can see much of it... details to be sorted... but she is creating her new life.... and watching her do this is wonderful, inspirational and just so special.................
I will speak at my Father's funeral - at the Crematorium Service before the Service of Thanksgiving in the Unitarian Chapel - where his 4 daughters were married - wow he was so blessed my Dad... I talked today about what I will say... but I will spend time with my Mum over this weekend understanding what I need to say - for her and for us....
What we need to say to my Dad - is easy - 'We love you - thank you for being in our lives'
What needs to be said for my sisters and our family is not yet clear but it will become clearer over the next few days and nights (dreaming it)......
So I am tired... bone weary actually - but also really good.... beginning to take steps to really love myself.... bufffff that's not easy.... also know that you my lovely Blogg readers also care about me - otherwise you wouldn't bother to read all this stuff - so thank-you - to know you are there - and I do know you are there cos there is something called 'Stats' (number of pages viewed - no idea by whom) - and it is wonderful to know you are there - I sound like my Mother - I am just so lucky, thank you for being in my life xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
