... well that what it feels like - a real relief ....... maybe that should be a real release.... don't know - it's been a long hard day - and I feel very exhausted... but also very relieved..... feels like something has been released!
... we did well - in fact we did it brilliantly - and we did it as a family - how wonderful is that? We got Mum to the nursing home - that wasn't easy - but we did it - then we enabled her to talk to Dad - he didn't talk back but he did respond - and we were there - coming and going - laughing, reminiscing, being family, sharing tears, hugs and love - we were magnificent!!!
My Mum was magic - she got there and she couldn't understand my Dad - she didn't want him to be old and dying - and she told him you're only 94! Effectively - that's no excuse for dying - she wanted him to get out of bed and get on with his life - their life - she just didn't want him to die.......
We left them together.... we were together as a big/small group/s.... we came and went... all good stuff... all things that needed to happen.... and by the end of the afternoon it was like my Mum gave my Dad permission to die..... she accepted the fact that he was going to die..... and being my Mum - she then wanted it to happen there and then as she had made the decision!
I don't know when it will happen - I asked him to wait for my sisters to get back and he said OK - I don't think it will be long myself.........
Then I came home and cooked a big chicken dinner for Jimmy, - it makes me so happy to feed one of my sons and I also needed to eat something sensible - and then all the time we talked for hours on Skype and GPlus with his brothers - which was wonderful - we didn't dwell on the fact that we watched Chris die 5 years ago to the day - but we recognised it - we talked about the day with Nan and Pop and we just talked, laughed and enjoyed each others company - how magic is that - in three countries - via technology!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So tonight my heart is going out to my sisters - impatient to be home, my Dad hopefully hanging on in for them, my Mum alone in her hospital bed, sad but so resilient - inspirational.... my sons and family feeling bruised and hugely enriched by the day... and me ...well I am happy.... we did well, we loved, we showed our love - we gave it and we received it - and what more important thing is there in the world.......
... we did well - in fact we did it brilliantly - and we did it as a family - how wonderful is that? We got Mum to the nursing home - that wasn't easy - but we did it - then we enabled her to talk to Dad - he didn't talk back but he did respond - and we were there - coming and going - laughing, reminiscing, being family, sharing tears, hugs and love - we were magnificent!!!
My Mum was magic - she got there and she couldn't understand my Dad - she didn't want him to be old and dying - and she told him you're only 94! Effectively - that's no excuse for dying - she wanted him to get out of bed and get on with his life - their life - she just didn't want him to die.......
We left them together.... we were together as a big/small group/s.... we came and went... all good stuff... all things that needed to happen.... and by the end of the afternoon it was like my Mum gave my Dad permission to die..... she accepted the fact that he was going to die..... and being my Mum - she then wanted it to happen there and then as she had made the decision!
I don't know when it will happen - I asked him to wait for my sisters to get back and he said OK - I don't think it will be long myself.........
Then I came home and cooked a big chicken dinner for Jimmy, - it makes me so happy to feed one of my sons and I also needed to eat something sensible - and then all the time we talked for hours on Skype and GPlus with his brothers - which was wonderful - we didn't dwell on the fact that we watched Chris die 5 years ago to the day - but we recognised it - we talked about the day with Nan and Pop and we just talked, laughed and enjoyed each others company - how magic is that - in three countries - via technology!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So tonight my heart is going out to my sisters - impatient to be home, my Dad hopefully hanging on in for them, my Mum alone in her hospital bed, sad but so resilient - inspirational.... my sons and family feeling bruised and hugely enriched by the day... and me ...well I am happy.... we did well, we loved, we showed our love - we gave it and we received it - and what more important thing is there in the world.......
