..... gentle music playing - my little flat cosy and warm, a beautiful day - making a lovely lunch for my Mum, Jimmy, sister Jenny and Ali, (fish pie) followed by a short walk in the park - showing Ali Chris's beech tree, clear blue skies above the world, my Mum walking with Jenny - lovely, lovely lovely......... they've now gone home and I'm snuggled up on the sofa - feeling very loved and at peace with the world... I am just so blessed and so grateful for my wonderful life.
I talked about my Mum's amazing resilience to Ali earlier in the park, that was nice spending time talking to him - there is usually such a crowd that we don't really get to talk one to one, anyway we talked about Mum - and how she is such a 'golden child' - she has gone through her life - doing good things - but also being very 'selfish' - all four of her daughters have had tragedies and sorrows and she was there for all of us, but she herself has had a truly 'lucky' life - and in many ways she was also protected from our hurt - she loved us all but I don't think she actually understood our pain - and why should she? It was our grief - she recognised it but I am not certain how far she was able to empathise with it. That sounds harsh but I don't mean it to be - my Mum is an amazing woman, she has lived a good life - and she is now coping with the loss of her husband of 66 years and her home - fantastically well - but reflecting about my Mum through my childhood and womanhood - is making me think.......
..... I suppose that's what it's all about - learning - and walking through the park with Ali this afternoon has made me think about one of the fundamental relationship of my life - that of mother and daughter - my mother and me as her daughter. It is also made me think about Chris's Mum.
Chris's Mum was a wonderful woman and there were times in my life when I was consciously closer to her than I was to my own Mum - I can remember that very clearly and also feeling sad/wrong to feel that..... I am now very close to my Mum - and have been for many years, and the shared experience of Dad's death and the last few month has brought us even closer. But I think that this relationship is (and has been for many years) based on my recognising her as a 'golden child' and loving her for being that a perfect 'golden child'. Wow - didn't expect to write that lot!!!!!
So I think I need to unpick this a bit....... I suppose I am thinking about what is love - OK quite a big question then!!!
But what is love? How much of it is what we think we ought to be? Do we 'love' people because of what or who they are in our lives? Or what we think they are? Or what we we think/and are taught to believe we ought to?
Not unpicking here - just knitting myself in deeper!
I suppose at the heart of this is - just that!!! How much is what we love is actually from the heart - and how much is what we love - is what our mind tells us to?
Bufffff - this started off as a nice afternoon blogg and is now asking the most fundamental question of our life - what is love? I need to reflect more on this - and I think it's been a question hovering around me for a while - what is it that we love? Is it the present, the past and/or the future? I loved Chris and my Dad very much, and I love my boys, my Mum, my family, my friends - but what does this mean? I love my life, I love my feeling of purpose in life, I love physically, I love the beauty that is everywhere, I love the music surrounding me (getting louder and louder) I love laughing, I love dancing.... I just love.......
Mmmmmmmmmm.... love is a one way process - unconditional love - means loving one way - and only one way - just loving - not wanting or needing thanks, recognition ... or anything in return... wow - I love it!!!!!!
I talked about my Mum's amazing resilience to Ali earlier in the park, that was nice spending time talking to him - there is usually such a crowd that we don't really get to talk one to one, anyway we talked about Mum - and how she is such a 'golden child' - she has gone through her life - doing good things - but also being very 'selfish' - all four of her daughters have had tragedies and sorrows and she was there for all of us, but she herself has had a truly 'lucky' life - and in many ways she was also protected from our hurt - she loved us all but I don't think she actually understood our pain - and why should she? It was our grief - she recognised it but I am not certain how far she was able to empathise with it. That sounds harsh but I don't mean it to be - my Mum is an amazing woman, she has lived a good life - and she is now coping with the loss of her husband of 66 years and her home - fantastically well - but reflecting about my Mum through my childhood and womanhood - is making me think.......
..... I suppose that's what it's all about - learning - and walking through the park with Ali this afternoon has made me think about one of the fundamental relationship of my life - that of mother and daughter - my mother and me as her daughter. It is also made me think about Chris's Mum.
Chris's Mum was a wonderful woman and there were times in my life when I was consciously closer to her than I was to my own Mum - I can remember that very clearly and also feeling sad/wrong to feel that..... I am now very close to my Mum - and have been for many years, and the shared experience of Dad's death and the last few month has brought us even closer. But I think that this relationship is (and has been for many years) based on my recognising her as a 'golden child' and loving her for being that a perfect 'golden child'. Wow - didn't expect to write that lot!!!!!
So I think I need to unpick this a bit....... I suppose I am thinking about what is love - OK quite a big question then!!!
But what is love? How much of it is what we think we ought to be? Do we 'love' people because of what or who they are in our lives? Or what we think they are? Or what we we think/and are taught to believe we ought to?
Not unpicking here - just knitting myself in deeper!
I suppose at the heart of this is - just that!!! How much is what we love is actually from the heart - and how much is what we love - is what our mind tells us to?
Bufffff - this started off as a nice afternoon blogg and is now asking the most fundamental question of our life - what is love? I need to reflect more on this - and I think it's been a question hovering around me for a while - what is it that we love? Is it the present, the past and/or the future? I loved Chris and my Dad very much, and I love my boys, my Mum, my family, my friends - but what does this mean? I love my life, I love my feeling of purpose in life, I love physically, I love the beauty that is everywhere, I love the music surrounding me (getting louder and louder) I love laughing, I love dancing.... I just love.......
Mmmmmmmmmm.... love is a one way process - unconditional love - means loving one way - and only one way - just loving - not wanting or needing thanks, recognition ... or anything in return... wow - I love it!!!!!!
