I am at home after a week away with my three boys, my Mum, my sister Ann and her two children and a friend of theirs..... and the words that come to my mind are 'beautifully poignant'. Not certain why I chose this title for the blogg.....
There were 9 of us - my own and my sister's children - grown up but as yet to have children of their own - so we had hired a big cottage in Yorkshire and we were there together as family - the focus of which was my Mum. She was amazing - fantastically amazing, loving the presence of so many young people, all doting on her - her every wish a command. Much good humour, laughter, excellent food, fellowship and joy - but it was all very, very beautifully poignant....... on occasions painfully poignant.... My Mother's fortitude, playfulness and happiness was genuine and special - her constant recognition and understanding of how blessed she has been all her life, always very close to the surface.... but my Father's absence was very present and many times painfully so.....
I cry as I write this - and I didn't cry when I was away, but I think it is important to do so tonight - to recognise my own grief, my own loss of my beautiful Dad - a man I have spent practically every Christmas with for my whole life - I can think of 4 that weren't with my Mum and Dad - but that's all.... so a lifetime of Christmas's together - my parents having had 65 Christmas's together until this one..... wow!!!
I'm glad I've done this blogg as I couldn't understand why such a happy time should have also been so 'beautifully poignant' but now I have seen what I have written I understand why I feel like this....
So I am cherishing the specialness of our time away together, and recognising that my grief for my Dad is still quite raw - and that my Mother is truly inspirational - and what a wonderful family I am so lucky to be a part of.........
... and stopping off in Stacksteads and spending time with such dear friends on the way home - was icing on a special Christmas cake!!!
There were 9 of us - my own and my sister's children - grown up but as yet to have children of their own - so we had hired a big cottage in Yorkshire and we were there together as family - the focus of which was my Mum. She was amazing - fantastically amazing, loving the presence of so many young people, all doting on her - her every wish a command. Much good humour, laughter, excellent food, fellowship and joy - but it was all very, very beautifully poignant....... on occasions painfully poignant.... My Mother's fortitude, playfulness and happiness was genuine and special - her constant recognition and understanding of how blessed she has been all her life, always very close to the surface.... but my Father's absence was very present and many times painfully so.....
I cry as I write this - and I didn't cry when I was away, but I think it is important to do so tonight - to recognise my own grief, my own loss of my beautiful Dad - a man I have spent practically every Christmas with for my whole life - I can think of 4 that weren't with my Mum and Dad - but that's all.... so a lifetime of Christmas's together - my parents having had 65 Christmas's together until this one..... wow!!!
I'm glad I've done this blogg as I couldn't understand why such a happy time should have also been so 'beautifully poignant' but now I have seen what I have written I understand why I feel like this....
So I am cherishing the specialness of our time away together, and recognising that my grief for my Dad is still quite raw - and that my Mother is truly inspirational - and what a wonderful family I am so lucky to be a part of.........
... and stopping off in Stacksteads and spending time with such dear friends on the way home - was icing on a special Christmas cake!!!
