... it only seems seconds ago it was - yesterday, last Sunday, a year ago.........
This week has been a real - up and down sort of week - but on reflection maybe this is not a bad thing.
Trying to find answers.......
We live in a world were we see things as linear - but maybe not everything is linear? Maybe we live in a spiral universe - so going up and down is in the context of going round and round. So maybe all this means is that when we feel we are going up and down - we are actually going forward - all be it in a strange sort of jumpy fashion!
Back to earth.... there have been great bits to my week, Steph being here for several days, Jimmy back in Liverpool, settling into the house, work prickly but eventually being able to see really clearly what needs to be done and having an amazing day on Wednesday working with young people - wonderfully, mind-blowingly good!
But there has been down bits - not certain what - a sort of heavy feeling about 'stuff' - now that is not a very clear description! OK - I have struggled with something this week - which is very deep within me - I will use this blogg to explore it.......
......I love blogging - because now I have to write down what exactly has been 'bugging' me all week!
Well..... it's been about 'manifesting' - for quite a while I have known - consciously - that there is a really strong relationship between - 'what I expect - and what I get'. I see it happening - I look back over my life and I can see when and how it happened. Small things and big things.
I have been reflecting on these and my thinking has ended up understanding that these things happened in order for me to learn....................-
As I got clearer about why things things happened because I learnt this or because I learnt that .... then I can comfortably move to - it all happened actually 'for a purpose' - I then moved on to 'Wow - I made these things happen.... because this is what I learnt from that.'
Pretty bonkers stuff - but all making prefect sense to me!!!
The next stage is to then say - OK - 'If I can do this - if I can make things happen - then what should I consciously manifest?'
At this point, I got into a very difficult loop of thinking - do I manifest something because I want it - or do I manifest something because I will learn from it - two completely different things.........
Anyway - I have been wrapping myself up in this thought loop for a while now - since the point that I clearly saw the relationship between me manifesting things which happened in my life - somethings because I wanted them - but most because on reflection - I learnt so much from them.
I believe that I have been manifesting my life -this beautiful rich life I lead - I am responsible for it.....Quite a big leap in thinking this - but I have to say it is where I am - and where I have been for a while now.
So Dear Blogg readers - thanks-you for staying with me - and yes this is a pretty convoluted thought chain!
So the dilemma is - now I 'know' what I am doing - what do I manifest - what I want (nice stuff)? or stuff for me to learn (which might not be so nice stuff)?
I am surprised (but also not surprised) that I have ended up understanding that what I have to go with is ....... faith. Now this is a really difficult word/concept for me - because I equate this word with religion - and total knowing, total clarity - and also total dogma, blindness, lack of thinking......
So... now you see my dilemma - loving the manifestation concept, seeing/living its reality - knowing that I can do it consciously - and then finding that what I manifest has to be based on faith .
So I have to have faith - in other words I have to 'know' in my head - that I don't actually 'know' - but to 'know' in my heart - that I actually do 'know'. Because I am living it!
Well this has been a long - and not easy blogg to write, Thank you staying with me - am aware that I am not clear yet - but loving the process of getting there - and Sooooooo excited about what I am manifesting!!!!
Life's amazing - and probably spiral - have faith! xxxxxx
