It's Saturday night - well no Sunday morning now - and I just can't get to sleep .... and after trying for a couple of hours - I have given up and decided to write my blogg. I know why I can't sleep as I came back from a lovely, if somewhat boozy, afternoon at Nita's - the first of Jimmy's 21st Birthday celebrations - so well fed and very happy, I fell asleep in my rather comfortable reclining chair - so entirely my own fault.... but it's horrible when you can't sleep and things start whirling and worming their way into your brain.
So a mug of cocoa, music, lavender oil and my blogg.... will probably crash out mid sentence!
This time last year we had a barbecue in the garden of Cheltenham Avenue for Jim's birthday, with Rob living round the corner and Alex coming from Leeds. This year we will have a party at my Mum and Dad's - Rob's coming over from Croatia and Alex is coming up from Cambridge - his last visit before he moves to Grenoble with Lara...
Just looked back at my blogg of a year ago... right in the thick of moving.. so I have nearly lived here in this lovely little flat for a year.. I suppose it feels like a year... but it also has flashed by... like life I suppose... time seems so accelerated.....
My little baby Jimmy is also going to be 21 next Saturday.... he is an amazingly wonderful young man, now standing so very tall, wonderfully laid back and easy going... and happy... what more can a Mother ask for.... a joy.
Wasn't certain what I was going to write about - as I started this blogg because I couldn't sleep but writing that has made me think about where I've been today.... Nita's .... we started by going bowling with Neil's son and grandson, Pat, Jim, Nita and I..... and it was fun ...... we laughed a lot and then went back for a roast dinner, joined by Neil and his carer later in the afternoon. We talked families/friends/family and the importance of the connections... the beautiful little things which are done with love... sometimes not even noticed but truly the most important things in life.
Sometimes these little things build up over years to become huge sacrifices - like giving so much unselfishly and unstintingly.... I feel humbled by our human capacity to love unconditionally... I seem to see clearly tonight that if love is given with strings attached it isn't really given... so it can't be returned... but the sheer wonder of being able to love and to accept it in return is magical. Also makes me think how harsh it is for those who can't accept/give love.... that hurts, the closure, the closed heart that doesn't give love... so can never receive it....
So on that cheerful note - I'll try and go to sleep!!!
