Never done anything like the big bid which we submitted today - and it has been an amazing process - months in development - 35 partners in 23 countries - 108 pages - 41,000 words - more than many PhD theses - 4 years funding - 4+ million euros. Pushing to the edge in many ways.... way out of my depth .... but knowing what I feel to be truthful and going for it - also knowing that it is not the usual - in fact quite the opposite - will either be loved and scored very highly - or will not - in which case - stops there.
Made the decision a few months to go for it - so it doesn't play the rules - good - I don't think I know how to play the rules - the briefing in Brussels said - we want to have bids which are not like the normal bids - and they've got one - the question is - will they like it? I haven't the time or inclination to do this again - so if it is funded my life goes in that direction - if it is not - my life goes in that other direction...... feel very reconciled about this - and also quite excited!
Funded or not - I have learnt so much from doing it - and know so many more things - and got close to so many people - special open hearted people - through long hard days and often nights of mainly email conversations - with me as the only one with English as my first language - and in the context of my Spanish - different league.
It is amazing how wonderful people came into your life to do the bits you can't do - but hey ask and you shall receive! Attention to detail - hard nights this week because I lost focus on individuals and where they are - but of course the small things are so important - and staying true - at all times. Feel good about all this but also knackered!!!!!!!!!
