... and my house is full of family, food and warmth.... it feels a very long time since this has been the case.
This is the first Christmas I have had at home since Chris's death, we have been going to my parents, special and lovely times, though under-pinned by a sense of loss.
I still feel that sense of loss, but it has evolved and grown into a bigger recognition .... I see it more as the huge sadness that we all live with... death the other side of life.. but somehow I feel I can embrace it more now.. if that makes sense.
When I danced Heartbeat the other week, I felt very strongly the two sides of sorrow/joy and how the recognition of the one enables the feeling of the other... and that's how I'm living my life at the moment, cherishing the joy and embracing the sadness..
My beautiful, wonderful and amazing parents are here staying in my house... I can hear my father humm,humming down the landing. 92 he has made my Mum (89) a cup of tea and brought it up for her.. as he always gives her a cup of tea in bed at 8.00.
They have been married for 63 years and my father's greatest pleasure is to give my Mum a cup of tea in bed at 8.00. A symbol that they have awoken to another day..... together. I remember my Dad saying years and years ago that the most amazing thing in his life was to be married to my Mum, waking up in different places around the world with my Mum's passion for travelling - a passion that he didn't really share!
My Mum still yearns to travel but my Dad is now saying that he finds it too hard to do... the trip to the Arctic Circle this Easter being just too much for him.... and my Mum sits there last night saying.. Oh Jimmy I don't know why you don't like travelling any more.. and my Dad saying I really can't do it any more .. I would if I could... and Alex and I just sitting in awe at the two of them.
So I am determined to cherish the joy of them whilst also recognising the preciousness of their time with us. My sons are just wonderful, they have just sorted and organised everything - well Rob has - and Alex and Jim did what they were told!!
I went to work until yesterday, arriving home just before Rob brought my parents... and it snowed, and I cooked and we ate, and we laughed and played bridge and had a carry on sorting out things and did what a lucky family does.. being together.. joyfully.. and with a deep love.. in the presence of my parents 6 decades of love.......
So enough of this sloppy business, time to make porridge and deal with the details of house guests... and get sorted for neighbours and friends at 6, big Christmas dinner tomorrow with family and friends, Boxing Day at the Foulkes.
Yes I am so lucky.......................
